tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59648592276530143772024-03-05T18:40:02.741-05:00Real Life of a Jersey GirlIt's my life and it's now or never. I just want to live while I'm alive and while I'm living I'm sharing it here - totally raw and all Jersey!pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.comBlogger270125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-11524711477785463222016-01-22T11:24:00.001-05:002016-01-22T11:24:22.257-05:00Bracing for a BlizzardIt's the calm before the storm and from what the forecasters are saying, it could be a big one. I'm prepared as best as I can be but there are some things that you just cannot be prepared for.<br />
<br />
With the warning of possible 60 mph winds there is the possibility of losing power. Having gone through Hurricane Sandy and Irene and being without power for days was rough. It was not the middle of winter however, and the idea of losing heat scares me. It was cold enough when it happened in October.<br />
<br />
This storm will be affecting a huge amount of people on the East coast and everyone is scrambling to get ready for it. <br />
<br />
Here in New Jersey the snow is due to begin late tonight and I am happy for that. No worries about commuting as I no longer work weekends (yay!) but my son does and even though he works about 1 mile away it can still be a treacherous ride.<br />
<br />
Stay safe everyone and prepare yourself for the barrage of snow pictures that your friends will be posting online. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-70071703585893392022015-12-20T06:01:00.000-05:002015-12-20T06:01:11.812-05:00Grieving Through the HolidaysGrief is strange. One moment you think you have it under control and then out of nowhere you are hit with the overwhelming urge to collapse and give in to the tears. <br />
<br />
I've been on this roller coaster of emotions for a few months now and the only thing I know for sure is that the world goes on in spite of my grief. I feel like I just want to keep to myself and get through this month without having to fake false excitement over a holiday that I pretty much haven't celebrated in years. I am not depressed; I'm grieving and much of the people I come into contact with don't seem to understand the process.<br />
<br />
We all will face dealing with the loss of someone we love but unless it is fresh to you, you seem to forget how it feels. Yes, grief does end but you are forever changed from it. I look at the change that has happened to me as a gift. There is light in the midst of all this darkness. <br />
<br />
Even though I have learned lessons from my dad's passing I still have the sadness. It is going to take time and unfortunately for my family, the timing of his passing has us dealing with these firsts when the loss is still relatively fresh. <br />
<br />
I know we are not the only ones who are missing a loved one right now. My advice to anyone is to allow yourself to feel the sadness. Unless you stop and feel all the emotions you cannot get through them. It's hard to face your day-to-day adult responsibilities when the world goes on in spite of your grief. I've gotten to the place where I don't care if it seems like people don't understand or even if they seem to pity me. Someday they will be where I am at right now. <br />
<br />
Everyone grieves differently and handles their emotions differently. Find what works for you. Grief can be exhausting and at this time I need to listen to my own needs and act upon them. I am determined to move forward with my life after my dad's passing honoring him by living up to my potential. It is what he would have wanted. <br />
<br />
There is so much that I wish I would have known about my dad and because of this I am going to reach out to his relatives who have knew him before I was even a thought. <br />
<br />
I remember Christmas' past and can smile and feel happy about many of those memories. Looking through old photos and home movies is bittersweet but also helpful in accepting that my dad's time here was up. He had a good life overall. <br />
<br />
I do miss him but I cannot get caught up in that. My dad was my first teacher and the lessons he tried to teach me did sink in. Those lessons helped to mold who I am and because of that, he lives on through me. I will never forget the influence he had on me and I am determined to not let him down. His life meant something and for me to collapse and wallow in sadness isn't honoring his life. Life goes on and I need to move forward. There are moments where I succumb to the sadness but I cry and get it out. This is a process and it doesn't matter how long it takes. Nothing lasts forever except for love. Love never dies. <br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-74591251763683393162015-11-22T19:32:00.001-05:002015-11-22T19:32:11.445-05:00Life's Too ShortLife's too short to sweat the small stuff. It's also too short to deal with unnecessary bullshit. Plain and simple. <br />
<br />
Since my dad passed just about three months ago, I have been riding this roller coaster of emotions called grief. I was blessed that up until a few weeks ago I was self-employed and unlike my family members I was able to fully feel all of my emotions because I didn't have to leave my house.<br />
<br />
Life doesn't stand still for those who are grieving and I felt that my family was courageous to be able to go out into the world and do responsible adult-like things. I managed to scrape by on my meager self-employment earnings but there were days when the grieving process overwhelmed me. <br />
<br />
It was during this time that I was able to do a whole lot of soul-searching in between my bouts of uncontrollable crying and I came to a lot of conclusions. I had to accept many things that happened that I couldn't change and most of all I had to realize that my dad's passing brought me blessings.<br />
<br />
Yes, in the midst of all the darkness there was light once I was ready to see it. I feel at peace (finally) with myself, for the most part. The grieving process is far from over but I am starting to see that it has brought about changes in me that will stay with me for the rest of my time here. <br />
<br />
I feel enlightened and I long for the day when my other family members feel it too. <br />
<br />
Life changes after you lose someone you love and although I have lost people before it was different this time around. I never felt the heartache the way I did when my dad passed. Maybe he is the first person who I loved deeply enough to feel the tremendous loss. I don't know why exactly but my soul tells me that everything is okay now. <br />
<br />
I've gone into myself and searched for answers. I've remembered things that I've always known but buried inside me. I truly see that love is all that matters and although my feelings about my dad were complicated at times, I know that deep down I always loved him. <br />
<br />
They say that all you have left is memories and it is those memories that have helped me accept his passing. My dad was a complicated man because he was a functioning alcoholic. Growing up with him wasn't easy at times but when I think back about what kind of father he was I suddenly don't have that much to complain about. He really was all about his family. He had personal demons that sometimes got in the way but at the end of the day, he did his best.<br />
<br />
I spent far too many years judging him by his disease but shortly after he passed it dawned on me that his drinking didn't matter. I could see who he was and I no longer felt the need to focus on the ugliness of his disease. I saw a man who was fiercely loyal to his children even though he was quiet about it a times. When the chips were down he was there for us and that really is all that matters.<br />
<br />
He had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and although he was a man of few words, when he spoke it did have meaning. He had a quiet wisdom about him and the funny thing is that I feel that his advice will still come to me when I need it. Yes I believe he is guiding me from the other side and I feel very strongly that he is almost closer to me now than he was the last few years of his life. <br />
<br />
Since losing my dad I find myself sweating the small stuff so much less and being more grateful for all the "little" things I didn't notice much before. <br />
<br />
Growing up my dad exposed me to many different ideas through the vast library he kept. These books helped mold my ideas and beliefs and we talked many times about those beliefs. I realized just how strong his beliefs were when I stopped and looked back and remembered different events in his life. Even though his passing was sudden and unexpected (for the most) I believe that he was at peace with it. He was tired and had things in the past been different, yes, he might still be here but I believe the freedom he has now doesn't make him regret leaving one bit. He is free now. Free of the body that was failing and free to move on to his next adventure. <br />
<br />
I believe that we will meet again because our souls are meant to meet again. I want to be able to thank him for all he did for me that I didn't realize until after he passed. I have thanked him but I want to have a conversation with him and I know that will happen one day.<br />
<br />
In the meantime I am trying to make him proud by living the best life possible. He always expected his children to strive to be the best and for a time I failed him and myself. His passing made me see that I need to turn my life around and I have. I am following through on that theme by daily gratitude checks and a new mission to not allow negativity to consume my life. I say what I need to say and I try not to put off anything. Life's too short. <br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-77470567118339823312015-11-14T07:10:00.000-05:002015-11-14T07:10:15.888-05:00Blessings in Grief<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdcjHusNJKkvn9e27if2CoCxWA2iJvi9L6UzAVIz5g-9_0ClZFuz_VEcc1Jfsaot6bj5YbFhtxg2W6zWHBbOdxt4q1lXojSEKD1Jl1j0jHLDAi2UHzFA834ggWo-BGGN18yAtMt4hk7Vc/s1600/213.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdcjHusNJKkvn9e27if2CoCxWA2iJvi9L6UzAVIz5g-9_0ClZFuz_VEcc1Jfsaot6bj5YbFhtxg2W6zWHBbOdxt4q1lXojSEKD1Jl1j0jHLDAi2UHzFA834ggWo-BGGN18yAtMt4hk7Vc/s200/213.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Grieving my dad is a process that I am finally making some progress with. I am beginning to see the light through all this darkness. <br />
<br />
Life has gone on since my dad passed on to the other side and even though I have forced myself to go back out into the world, my memories of him have not diminished. <br />
<br />
The pain is less because instead of focusing on the loss I am able to see the blessings. Focusing on the love helps the healing.<br />
<br />
I can't say that I don't cry anymore because I do. I can't say that I still don't have those moments of obsessive regrets because they are still there beneath the surface. I am better able to reason with them now. <br />
<br />
The experience of grief is ever-changing and unique to everyone. There is a sadness in my heart but it is slowly being filled with love which is making this process easier.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I worry that accepting this loss will diminish it. I know that is silly but a normal feeling. <br />
<br />
Death is a part of life and there is no escaping it. You have to face it and cannot push the feelings aside. You have to feel all the feelings as they come. I think the only way to heal is to feel. <br />
<br />
November 24th was my dad's birthday. It is going to be a somber day as his family will remember him on what would have been his 86th birthday. Part of me feels like he should still be here but he is not. Instead of wishing him "happy birthday in heaven" (because I don't believe in that) I will celebrate the 85+ years he did have here and be grateful for it.<br />
<br />
He lives on through the lives he touched. My dad was a great teacher and he continues that from the other side. There have been many new lessons I have learned from his passing. <br />
<br />
The grieving process is so much harder than I ever imagined. It is getting easier to manage and I am so grateful for that. I do need to remind myself that my dad doesn't want us to be so broken that we cannot function. We can't allow ourselves to continue to be lost in our grief. <br />
<br />
Life goes on and he would be the first to say that. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-31026449219193118292015-10-23T09:24:00.000-04:002015-10-23T09:24:25.532-04:00Life Goes On<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQSJkQYJIAw2Kkv9mtNo8IhJDA4odIh_95dTDMhFijHQy3FETU6_EjoRtP4yhSDkKQFM1DBAEYeiKsY383kE_GKg6tbQrLaf6vxjCcM2jcikbCtQX7us_XycIydpJyvrOzFdImNJT01AA/s1600/darkseas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQSJkQYJIAw2Kkv9mtNo8IhJDA4odIh_95dTDMhFijHQy3FETU6_EjoRtP4yhSDkKQFM1DBAEYeiKsY383kE_GKg6tbQrLaf6vxjCcM2jcikbCtQX7us_XycIydpJyvrOzFdImNJT01AA/s400/darkseas.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Grieving is a process with no rules. The only thing I am sure of is that life goes on while you are stuck in the darkness of it. <br />
<br />
I always hated how people seemed to "count down" how long it has been since their loved one passed. I just didn't get it. I judged them for holding onto their grief not realizing that they weren't holding on at all- they were prisoners of their loss.<br />
<br />
I am a prisoner also. It's been two months (which isn't a long time at all- I KNOW that!) and although I am a prisoner of grief I can feel myself making progress.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzCa1BwZ2M0gjF6z23LkRHut2hf4rQDA5qo_1TmcF72Nyym_M-kVbl8bXaAHniUuczQv7NrS1Dz1pQYnwYmbsl4zMbFwn7Jggv5IuHrdj_ymxANNwrZ53qHj2xTThzMLt1g3Cfov0DOs/s1600/7stages.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzCa1BwZ2M0gjF6z23LkRHut2hf4rQDA5qo_1TmcF72Nyym_M-kVbl8bXaAHniUuczQv7NrS1Dz1pQYnwYmbsl4zMbFwn7Jggv5IuHrdj_ymxANNwrZ53qHj2xTThzMLt1g3Cfov0DOs/s320/7stages.jpg" /></a></div><br />
This chart is helpful because it gives you an idea of what to expect but what it doesn't say is how on any given day/moment, you might experience any combination of those feelings. Where am I today? <br />
<br />
I woke up this morning and before I even had my coffee I found myself in tears. Maybe it is because it's been two months and those memories of my dad's final days haunt me. No matter what I do I can't seem to get past them.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7EYmHbUS8zbDQnyn8YJ7AQPd1Vx3bKXCXuReNK3jB4s8L0pUS_QzTm-7PItD_yIK8aW6T3aNNNL4OWxdFbwjQ7kfKFER5je7Hu6S0pOovuErVbm130AyVbXlPz8ytgl5toD7CmT57LuA/s1600/swim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7EYmHbUS8zbDQnyn8YJ7AQPd1Vx3bKXCXuReNK3jB4s8L0pUS_QzTm-7PItD_yIK8aW6T3aNNNL4OWxdFbwjQ7kfKFER5je7Hu6S0pOovuErVbm130AyVbXlPz8ytgl5toD7CmT57LuA/s320/swim.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I have had my days where I have been able to say "my dad died" without tearing up. I do know that he is feeling the love on the other side and I know that he is with us. It's just different now.<br />
<br />
It all just seems so unfinished. I beg sometimes for answers and assurance from him that it is okay. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRhjqcEL-JUABc4P1w3DSyck0-7oI1U5PoEa-bip30GAqQYHPUtJQXR6Ie0LY3JZCLGK3jHyl2IROnhgFjAkwQ_YYdceMAeneyf8uMHaHi9SOWmiL8g_q_xQj45rRQ5GtmSDl-ItEBIRk/s1600/heartache.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRhjqcEL-JUABc4P1w3DSyck0-7oI1U5PoEa-bip30GAqQYHPUtJQXR6Ie0LY3JZCLGK3jHyl2IROnhgFjAkwQ_YYdceMAeneyf8uMHaHi9SOWmiL8g_q_xQj45rRQ5GtmSDl-ItEBIRk/s320/heartache.jpg" /></a></div><br />
All I can think about is how I wanted to help him but I was powerless to do so. Part of me feels like he just wanted to go home and I couldn't make that happen for him. He hated being in the hospital and even if a teeny tiny part of him <i>knew<i> he wasn't coming home again, he didn't share that with me. <br />
<br />
Last night I found myself home alone. My dad was on my mind (it's rare when he is not) so I decided to meditate and even did some mirror gazing. I think I just was feeling desperate for answers. At that moment I think my emotions were running way too high and although I was open, nothing was going to get "through" at that time.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizMiX5mr3kOhhL0kFHA8lsSXtJnBJC4hxdGtaYZvOMyHMQXVmQeIIKq3BD_je327yn2LHSCsidfykF6KMTq7dgfUFASOZAg6HTefKLzR95ExrZS_lCkYzuZ9Y33oZHzgoXBbSnVWXjWUE/s1600/dadsign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizMiX5mr3kOhhL0kFHA8lsSXtJnBJC4hxdGtaYZvOMyHMQXVmQeIIKq3BD_je327yn2LHSCsidfykF6KMTq7dgfUFASOZAg6HTefKLzR95ExrZS_lCkYzuZ9Y33oZHzgoXBbSnVWXjWUE/s320/dadsign.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I have felt his presence and even have gotten "without a doubt" signs. I have even "seen" him which means so much to me. I don't care how crazy people think I am. I believe and I know he did too.<br />
<br />
Last week while my husband and I were painting his old room my dad was there. We were silent as we were both focused on painted a dresser. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man and at first, just thought it was my husband. In my mind I said "wait- Joe doesn't wear glasses" and I realized it was my dad standing watch, supervising the project just as he had done so many times before. <br />
<br />
As I moved my head to look directly at him, it faded although I know he still was there. I told my husband that dad was next to him watching us paint and probably wanting to correct us. We both laughed remembering how tough it was to do projects with my dad's watchful presence. <br />
<br />
I think we both felt comforted by knowing that he was there but also sad that we couldn't have more than that. <br />
<br />
It is different now and maybe someday there will be more comfort in knowing he is still around. Right now it feels like there is so much I want to say to him and even though he was a man of few words, I miss hearing those few words.<br />
<br />
It's funny but not too long ago out of nowhere suddenly the thought came to me that there are no "do-overs". I know this was a without a doubt sign/message. Accepting that fact is tough. <br />
<br />
It's not like I am burdened by constant feelings of regret or even guilt because I am not. It is normal to wish for just one more moment after someone you love dies. Yes there are things I regret not doing but it wouldn't have changed a thing.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6RhlVkEl4mtCb7dESiqfwCsIHaszR0T5tcsKuLHhV8PUChtwACFbOzrgwXgansxpE7E-9Wm5SS3AcpcQBFmz0rHEldCrX1wimVG0PTluQPEELRiEAudZU-FG4AG0WYps0XaEbN8Jszi8/s1600/griefing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6RhlVkEl4mtCb7dESiqfwCsIHaszR0T5tcsKuLHhV8PUChtwACFbOzrgwXgansxpE7E-9Wm5SS3AcpcQBFmz0rHEldCrX1wimVG0PTluQPEELRiEAudZU-FG4AG0WYps0XaEbN8Jszi8/s320/griefing.jpg" /></a></div></i></i><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-67317617703073709512015-09-12T16:50:00.001-04:002015-09-12T16:50:27.496-04:00Love Never Dies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdzSTMk71o6Rues_ZGf2k1A14MG5bBdgynYuVEr9FtMtapUmVb_XILAA4N9PxsjwkDrTrLY0nycWiGsJRYjC_ZVZdJwus3cVc-ojThNGMzeY8zvJ1-poX9F4muk4PbDQm_-GlBDSuDgMM/s1600/dadandcass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdzSTMk71o6Rues_ZGf2k1A14MG5bBdgynYuVEr9FtMtapUmVb_XILAA4N9PxsjwkDrTrLY0nycWiGsJRYjC_ZVZdJwus3cVc-ojThNGMzeY8zvJ1-poX9F4muk4PbDQm_-GlBDSuDgMM/s400/dadandcass.jpg" /></a></div><br />
My beloved grand-dog Cassie crossed over the Rainbow bridge today. I know my dad was there for her.<br />
<br />
My dad loved Cassie. Growing up we had dogs and cats and my dad was truly an animal lover. Cassie filled the void that was left when there was no longer an animal in my parents' house. My daughter would bring Cassie to visit her Grandpa and he loved it. <br />
<br />
Cassie was one of those dogs that seemed more like a person. She didn't need to be walked on a leash because she was so well-trained that she listened. She loved to sit on your lap and enjoyed being around a group of people because that meant she would get more attention. Cassie loved attention. At one time she was full of energy and would go from person to person working the room for love.<br />
<br />
My daughter used to say that Cassie was a little girl hidden in a dog suit and that is exactly how she treated her all these years. Cassie had so many clothes and toys that she was like a spoiled little girl but to me, she never seemed spoiled. <br />
<br />
Before I had a human grandchild I had Cassie. Even when my grandsons were born, Cassie still rated highly as my grand-dog. Cassie was my 4-legged granddaughter and Captain and Coco are my 2-legged grandsons. That is just how it is to me. <br />
<br />
Cassie's health had been declining the last few months and as much as we hoped for a miracle, we all knew her time was coming. When my dad passed a little more than 2 weeks ago, I worried about how my daughter would take having to make the choice to end Cassie's suffering when she (like the rest of us) are still coming to grips with adjusting to life without my dad. <br />
<br />
It was such a painful decision, one that she struggled with for some time but today Cassie let her know that it was time.<br />
<br />
I didn't even have words to comfort my daughter because honestly, there is nothing I can say. I'm still struggling with accepting that my dad has passed. What could I possibly say to my daughter who was facing yet another great loss?<br />
<br />
Saying goodbye is so painful. Cassie has been the constant in my daughter's life for so long. I always dreaded this day because I knew it would be so hard for her. Losing her right after losing my dad seems cruel but maybe there is comfort to be found. <br />
<br />
I know he greeted Cassie as she made her way across the rainbow bridge. I can almost picture it- Cassie running to him, seeing the familiar face of someone who loved her. <br />
<br />
Cassie was so special to our family and like my dad, it will take time to move on from this loss. Grieving is a part of life that people tend to avoid thinking about probably because it hurts so badly. I am trying to remember that love never dies. Death changes things but it can't change the love. It just becomes different. <br />
<br />
The love will always be there in the memories and that will never die. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-56488970566754650822015-06-18T09:58:00.000-04:002015-06-18T09:58:30.545-04:00Secrets to Successful Online Selling"Turning Your Trash into Treasure" is my first book that is available on Amazon. (just search by the title or follow link on this blog)<br />
<br />
As a writer I prefer to write about what I am most passionate about and what I know. I recently reached my 6 year anniversary selling on eBay under the name PMBenfield. Previously I had sold under a different name that I no longer use. Reaching top seller plus status took many sales and a lot of work but it was worth it.<br />
<br />
I have learned so much about how to sell online and this is why I wrote the guide that I did. Turning your Trash into Treasure is an easy-to-understand guide to help anyone who wants to get started earning some extra cash from their stuff that they no longer want/need or use.<br />
<br />
After giving myself a break from online selling ( I stopped for about 2 weeks) I recently started to list again. I am ignoring some inventory that hasn't moved and instead focused on selling some new-to-me items.<br />
<br />
Books are not an easy re-sell online but being faced with a huge (and I mean HUGE) amount of books to move I decided to change my attitude and accept the challenge.<br />
<br />
As I state in my book sometimes it doesn't matter how much money you make when your goal is to find a new home for an item. Currently I have 13 items listed for sale. About 5 of these items are books and the majority are listed as buy-it-now or best offer. Just about any offer I get I will take. Again, the goal is to find the book a new home.<br />
<br />
Storing items while I wait for them to be sold takes organization. I can admit that back when I got started I wasn't perfect about staying organized. I can remember a frantic moment here and there when an item sold and I searched to find where I put it. <br />
<br />
These days I have a process and even though I struggle at times to stay on course, ultimately keeping organized will save time later on.<br />
<br />
At the moment I have several already packed boxes of inventory which if I decide to re-list these items I will be ready to ship on a moment's notice.<br />
<br />
With such a large inventory of books I have taken a different approach to my organizing. I have boxes of books to be listed and another box of books that are currently listed for sale. Listing books can be time consuming and in order to avoid making mistakes I am only listing about 5 a day. Taking pictures is easy but I have to go slowly to determine the condition of the book which means slowing down and paying attention to detail.<br />
<br />
Correctly identifying the condition of anything that you sell is essential to building a good rating with your customers! Ebay does stand behind their sellers but if you mess up your posting by not mentioning imperfections it can cost you money. <br />
<br />
Most books sell for on average between $5 to $15. That is not a lot of money. If you have to refund someone it hurts. It does take time to list an item for sale but if you rush through it you are more likely to make errors.<br />
<br />
The other part about selling online that can be frustrating is the amount of time it might take for an item to sell. There are days when I have to remind myself of how long some items previously took to sell. I remind myself to just hang in there. Do the tedious work now of listing items and then play the waiting game.<br />
<br />
I have so much inventory right now that I can easily distract myself by slowly listing what I have and hopefully the sales will start happening. It usually does. Patience is a virtue that I am lacking but like everything else, practice makes perfect. <br />
<br />
If you have questions about selling online send me a message or an e-mail at benfieldpriscilla@yahoo.com.<br />
<br />
Thanks for taking a look!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-42994740106817402502015-06-15T07:23:00.000-04:002015-06-15T07:23:33.431-04:00Monday MotivationEvery day I have a plan. It might seem like baby steps but every step I take is one step closer to reaching my goals.<br />
<br />
A lesson learned in life is that nothing worthwhile is going to be handed to you. The greatest satisfaction comes from earning what you have.<br />
<br />
I'm not afraid of hard work. Results will happen, maybe not at first, but they will come.<br />
<br />
On to my daily to-do's knowing that when my day is done I can relax knowing I have planted the seeds to a better tomorrow.<br />
<br />
What motivates you?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-62497842091434043102015-06-09T07:48:00.001-04:002015-06-09T07:48:14.199-04:00Getting NakedCreative "types" can relate to what I am feeling today. I finally realized a dream a few months ago when I self-published my first book "Turning Your Trash into Treasure". My first book is a how-to guide for getting started selling online. <br />
<br />
Writing is a passion of mine but it is also like getting naked. Although I feel confident about what I wrote, I still feel very vulnerable about how people might react to it. I get the same way about selling my crafts/creations. At times I don't feel like any of it is "good enough". <br />
<br />
I've thrown out wreaths I made that others have complimented me for. Being an artist is tough.<br />
<br />
I chose to write "Turning Your Trash into Treasure" as my first book because I wanted to write about a topic that I felt confident about. I have always enjoyed flea markets and finding treasures in attics and other forgotten places. After my grandparents passed and my parents moved out of their home that they spent 50 years in, suddenly I had a surplus of "stuff". <br />
<br />
I admire old "things" but like to live without clutter. It was time to get busy and find homes for all these treasures. I turned to eBay and eventually Etsy and learned a lot along the way. What I learned about selling online I put into my book in a way that any novice could understand.<br />
<br />
Selling online is a part-time hobby for me that earns me some extra cash. My book is free today for Kindle users and I hope that this promotion will help to raise book sales. This is just one step in my long-term goal to eventually be able to not have to work a crappy retail job that has no future. <br />
<br />
In the meantime I will try and cope with feeling "naked" as I put my work out there for the world to see. Check out my book for free on Kindle and leave me a review. Try and be kind and feel free to email me with questions or comments (or leave a comment here).<br />
<br />
http://www.amazon.com/Turning-Your-Trash-Into-Treasure-ebook/dp/B00SLEC7EO/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1433846001&sr=1-1&keywords=turning+your+trash+into+treasure&pebp=1433846015285&perid=1YBMGBZ3FYX55JMAZ9T3<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-3343439892147865812015-06-05T14:22:00.000-04:002015-06-05T14:22:08.666-04:00Turning Your Trash into Treasure<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Turning-Your-Trash-Into-Treasure/dp/1505880130"></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRRQv01jkfVhwgKyAwzh09SCeGyHjUV2HcPaBwM5hqekkMoeZAbQB7cW3hr4F0G4IOwdWhvH4nHPMuD38kNLZMBCJD5Vs87IC0JOmyzY7zv7ZevWekNOh-rf-y6krsf1HIC2HLqnGHSAk/s1600/Turning_Your_Trash_I_Cover_for_Kindle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRRQv01jkfVhwgKyAwzh09SCeGyHjUV2HcPaBwM5hqekkMoeZAbQB7cW3hr4F0G4IOwdWhvH4nHPMuD38kNLZMBCJD5Vs87IC0JOmyzY7zv7ZevWekNOh-rf-y6krsf1HIC2HLqnGHSAk/s400/Turning_Your_Trash_I_Cover_for_Kindle.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I realized a long-time goal this year when I self-published my first book "Turning Your Trash into Treasure". I followed the rule "write about what you know" when I chose to focus on writing this guide for selling items online. It took me years to achieve but I reached the goal of becoming a top-rated seller on eBay and that helped me to gain the confidence to write this book.<br />
<br />
Let me tell you how (and why) I got started selling online. I'm a practical person; maybe too much so at times. I don't like clutter and prefer to live without excess possessions. When my children were growing I made it a ritual that we would go through items like toys and clothing and donate to charity what they no longer needed or wanted. I even tried making some money by having yard sales but never found it worth the effort.<br />
<br />
<br />
A friend of one of my daughter's gave her a few boxes of items that he no longer wanted. There was an entire box of gay-themed movies. My daughter had no use for these and feeling that it was a waste to just toss them in the trash, I volunteered to sell them on eBay. The response to them was overwhelming and I got hooked on selling on eBay. <br />
<br />
We didn't get rich from selling unwanted movies on eBay but we did earn some cash for stuff that was going to get thrown away. I built up a following on eBay and starting going through closets and the basement listing stuff that was just collecting dust. It was a fun hobby that lasted a few months.<br />
<br />
Fast forward a few years later and my husband was working at a recycling facility. He was bringing home slightly damaged and some brand-new items that weren't garbage but not really needed by us. I got excited when I realized that I had an opportunity to get back into eBay again. Little did I know that my hobby was going to turn into more than just a hobby when soon after I got laid off from my job. <br />
<br />
Selling unwanted items on eBay has helped me to supplement my family's income and it is a "job" that I enjoy. Selling online is not easy and I tried to stress that in my book. I am not rich from selling on eBay but it has helped us get through some tough financial times. <br />
<br />
I don't think I know anyone who doesn't have "stuff" that they don't need. We get busy in our day-to-day lives and while times flies, stuff accumulates. Well-meaning family and friends pass off stuff to us that we in turn stick in a closet, basement or garage. Our families grow up and out of stuff and it just seems to multiply, crowding our space. I do believe in donating unwanted items and I do but I also can use the cash so I sell it online.<br />
<br />
My book is a helpful, easy to understand guide for the person who wants to earn some cash and clean up! Order my book and if you have questions about how to sell online, send me a message and I would be happy to help! <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-68144510952900217792015-06-01T19:16:00.001-04:002015-06-01T19:16:44.398-04:00Caitlyn Jenner Revealed!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNPSCLhlv6ab7bF0Zjh3lhgpIAJsVsRp4atTDfJbGZi_03smH1JYpszsCTW-3uSfEHrrvvTUAXYKPuV1IjyVZk0C2G9LIsK2y-XHHKa_UMV30OV9NHOW2vmOWVwWlW4E6aP2OEJrcRsy0/s1600/cj.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNPSCLhlv6ab7bF0Zjh3lhgpIAJsVsRp4atTDfJbGZi_03smH1JYpszsCTW-3uSfEHrrvvTUAXYKPuV1IjyVZk0C2G9LIsK2y-XHHKa_UMV30OV9NHOW2vmOWVwWlW4E6aP2OEJrcRsy0/s320/cj.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Social media is a buzz today with the sneak-peek of the upcoming Vanity Fair cover of Caitlyn Jenner. Formerly known as Olympic hero and Kardashian step-father Bruce Jenner, the world has been waiting to see this reveal as Caitlyn begins her life as her authentic self.<br />
<br />
Let me just say she looks good! Yes unlike many of us regular folk, she has the money to fix what is wrong and I think so far she looks pretty good. There is an inner happiness that shows through and that I believe is called living your authentic life!<br />
<br />
What will this public sharing of a highly personal issue really do for the trans community? My hopes are that it gives people courage to live their own authentic lives. Will it change the minds or educate those who don't even know what being transgender is? I don't know.<br />
<br />
Hate comes from judging what one does not understand. Compassion is needed in this life and sadly, too many people are either fixated on what their "religion" is telling them or what prejudices they have been taught. <br />
<br />
The concept of being born into the "wrong" body doesn't make sense to many people. A lot of people just think that it is a mental illness. Can you even imagine what it must be like to be repulsed by your own body? Knowing that you do not feel comfortable in your own skin? It is more than the feeling that some people might experience when going through puberty and the physical, emotional and psychological changes occur. <br />
<br />
For many transgenders these feelings happen from the time they are young children. Imagine growing up and knowing that something is wrong but you just don't know what. You hit puberty and all these changes happen but you feel unable to adjust to them. It is not feeling like an "ugly duckling" or anything like that. It is feeling that the sex you are inside is not reflected in the body you are inhabiting.<br />
<br />
It can feel like a daily nightmare until you are able to express who you truly are by reflecting that through making changes to your appearance to reflect what is inside. In order for a trans person to live an authentic life they need to feel that people will accept their truth. They need to be respected. They need to be allowed to live just as anyone else. <br />
<br />
Caitlyn Jenner is being accused of doing "this" for money. Sure her new reality show will earn her a paycheck but we all need money to survive. Opening up and sharing her journey is a brave thing to do. She is finally going to live a true life. Her story can help change the world. <br />
<br />
It is sad that it has taken her such a long time but instead of focusing on that I'd rather focus on her now and her future. I hope it is a long and happy one. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-72069544078601143632015-04-08T11:54:00.000-04:002015-04-08T11:54:00.965-04:00FrustrationsLosing count of how many weeks it is that the husband is out of work. He's losing count of how many jobs he has applied to. It's a tough go lately and although I feel blessed to have a job (albeit one that doesn't pay a living wage) I still strive for better.<br />
<br />
I'm trying so hard to focus and visualize our lives getting better but as the weeks go by and no positive changes happen I can't help but get fearful.<br />
<br />
I have accepted that so much is out of my control but I still believe I have the power to make change happen. Sometimes I just feel so lost.<br />
<br />
The old ways aren't working and as I try to come up with new ideas I begin to doubt myself. Doubt is dangerous because it can bring me to a dark place of hopelessness. The husband is battling depression and he doesn't need to see me feeling down too.<br />
<br />
I set my feelings aside and continue to push forward. <br />
<br />
Sooner or later good things have to happen, don't they?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-27936459079674623352015-03-12T19:23:00.003-04:002015-03-12T19:23:36.929-04:00Woes of a WriterLast night I had a writing surge. The words flowed and as I typed them I felt pleased with what was coming out. Then I made a huge error. Somehow, someway I accidentally forgot to click "save" and all my words were gone.<br />
<br />
It's not so easy a day later to go back and reach inside and duplicate what flowed so easily the night before. It is also hard to stop beating myself up for making such a dumb error.<br />
<br />
I have to let go. <br />
<br />
Writing is so healing and maybe the effort wasn't wasted even though I have nothing to show for it. I got out what I needed to and maybe what I wrote today isn't so bad after all.<br />
<br />
It is not the same and it cannot possibly be. Writers have moments and the creative process is what it is.<br />
<br />
Next time I will be much more conscious in the process. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-81363706759221389142015-02-22T08:49:00.001-05:002015-02-22T08:49:41.874-05:00dailybitch: Earn Extra Money Selling Online<a href="http://askmom-dailybitch.blogspot.com/2015/02/earn-extra-money-selling-online.html">dailybitch: Earn Extra Money Selling Online</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-80506078621498917982015-02-22T08:48:00.000-05:002015-02-22T08:48:43.963-05:00Earn Extra Money Selling OnlineWho wouldn't be happy to earn some extra money? Maybe you have goals to take a vacation or there is a big-ticket item you'd love to get but don't feel like maxing out your credit card to do it. There is a solution to wanting to earn some extra money. You can sell your unwanted items online.<br />
<br />
I've been a seller on eBay for many years and what I have learned about selling online is now in my new book "Turning Trash Into Treasure". In it I go through all the steps of selling online and I simplify the process of getting items ready and going through the steps to earn some cash from getting rid of stuff.<br />
<br />
Selling online might seem like too much effort to some. Honestly it can be a chore but the benefits definitely outweigh the efforts. The extra income I earn has helped me through rough times. Another plus is getting rid of stuff that I had no use for. <br />
<br />
Order my book today and if you have any questions, feel free to send me an e-mail and I will be happy to respond! benfieldpriscilla@yahoo.com<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-6053769052146596812015-02-17T09:16:00.002-05:002015-02-17T09:16:36.228-05:00Aging in America - Don't Do ItI've always had the attitude that age is just a number. Inside I clearly remember exactly what it feels like to be those milestone ages. Eighteen, twenty-one, thirty- they are not-so-distant memories. If only I knew then what my reality is now I would have done things differently or would I?<br />
<br />
Living with regrets is no way to fully live and honestly I do not have many regrets. I always thought that if you worked hard you would benefit the rewards of that. Getting older is something that happens to us all and unless you are "there" you just don't get it.<br />
<br />
Getting older sucks. <br />
<br />
By the time the average person reaches the age of 40 they have acquired a certain amount of knowledge just from surviving that long. They are more secure in who they are and usually they are more grounded and settled. Trying to start over in the work world at age 40 or more is damn near impossible these days. Employers should consider the idea that unlike a more youthful employee, an older employee has more financial responsibilities and work ethics. They are more dependable than a "kid" who still enjoys going out on a Friday night. A woman whose children are near adult is not likely to have another child therefore no worries about maternity leave or childcare obligations.<br />
<br />
There are dozens of reasons to hire an "older" worker but employers these days seem to frown upon it. Do they think they will not age? <br />
<br />
Maybe many employers look at the above 40 worker as too experienced and not easily trainable as many could be "set" in their ways. This can be true up to a point but honestly the long-term unemployed over 40 worker is quite honestly desperate to earn a paycheck. They are ready to "suck it up" and put up with what they never would have put up with in their youth. Finding the opportunity to do so is most difficult.<br />
<br />
As someone who entered the serious work force at age 40, I can honestly say a decade later that I have absolutely NEVER had a decent job. Part of it is due to the fact that as a single parent my child's needs came first. I am not sorry for that; I had/wanted to be their for my child. Another part of why I struggle in the work world is due to a lack of marketable skills. A high school graduate with a certification in massage therapy, I never had the time/money/direction to further my education. <br />
<br />
What I am is someone who is willing, ready and pretty much able to do what it takes to keep a roof over my head. What I cannot seem to do is find an employer willing to give me the opportunity to actually earn an income that would take me out of the poverty I am in.<br />
<br />
I literally begged to get the position I have now and my employer knows my desperation. That is something one should never do but I needed a paycheck and I was not getting hired without my pushing for the position. In the 6 months since I have been working I have applied for other positions but to no avail.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile my husband is also out of work. This is a man who literally worked circles around guys half his age but now at age 54 he is looked at as old and washed up. He has been signed up with employment agencies and gone on interviews but so far has not received any offers of employment. It is downright depressing. <br />
<br />
Many would say that when you are in this situation you should create your own job. How does one start their own business when they are not even supporting themselves? That is a question I wrestle with. <br />
<br />
This country has a fear of getting older. We put youth up on a pedestal and worship it. Doesn't anyone realize that youth only lasts a short time? Everyone gets older. It is a fact. You can dress it up and try and disguise it but we all get older. Wisdom comes with age but the youth don't want to hear it. They are too busy enjoying their lives oblivious to the fact that one day it will all be gone. They too will find that they will become disposable no matter what they feel they have to give. No one cares. <br />
<br />
Finding a job when you are white, over 40 and speak only English is like hoping to win the lottery. That is the reality of aging in America. My advice is if you are under 40 enjoy it while you can. It won't last.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-2924233951717233592015-01-29T09:30:00.001-05:002015-01-29T09:30:21.731-05:00Not Worrying Doesn't Change AnythingWorrying doesn't change anything but on the flip side, not worrying doesn't change it either. I know first-hand what stress does to a body. As a sufferer of IBS and other stress-related illnesses, sometimes I can manage the daily b.s. stress that comes my way but it is the long-term stress that I have a problem with.<br />
<br />
The effects of having a spouse who is unemployed without benefits, a young adult child who is battling mental illness and dealing with the consequences of their "stuff" makes me feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I'm tired to say the least and although it is another day I still feel that I am not getting any closer to seeing positive changes.<br />
<br />
As I search the job listings hoping to find something for my husband, I feel his frustration. How can anyone expect someone to survive on the low wages being offered? Another stumbling block is his age. There is no getting around it but honestly, why can't employers see the benefits in hiring someone "older"? <br />
<br />
The majority of my co-workers are half my age or more. The majority of them are not as reliable as I am even now when I don't have transportation I am more reliable than they are. I also work harder than they do. I am grateful to have my job and I guess knowing how hard it can be to find work, I just appreciate what I have.<br />
<br />
I've got so much going on right now and I'd love to avoid having my daily morning meltdown but I guess it is how I survive it. I am overwhelmed and sometimes can easily lose sight of any hope that it will get better.<br />
<br />
I need to fix the one car that I have but I lack the funds. I hope to sell my other car that is too costly to repair but that too is not happening quickly enough. <br />
<br />
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I want out!<br />
<br />
My job is manageable but it keeps me scraping by. I need another job that pays more but without transportation it is unlikely. <br />
<br />
Sometimes my thoughts spiral out of control as all that is wrong overwhelms me. I get to the point where I just break down and cry. I feel so helpless. <br />
<br />
I'm trying everything in my power to survive and I know I cannot do this alone. What I need is for the universe to cut me a break already. I really need for something to go my way. <br />
<br />
It would be nice to not have to worry about it all but if I don't worry about it I feel like I won't do what I need to to make it change. <br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-12016414171365490162015-01-21T12:00:00.001-05:002015-01-21T12:00:18.102-05:00Causes<a href="t.co/4Uv6qLpHhU"></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrdhxf9tq8k_jkklER1WWjRatBVZwJvos13xAyWiPR2XF5sJJ5m_97ZLt00XnSEMz8Upat97P2O_P1JEcBVGqvyyXER81-WWCvISkBOn5O0l4nIZwqtCBtnjk79I0hOo09BhjOCKE7UYM/s1600/drag.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrdhxf9tq8k_jkklER1WWjRatBVZwJvos13xAyWiPR2XF5sJJ5m_97ZLt00XnSEMz8Upat97P2O_P1JEcBVGqvyyXER81-WWCvISkBOn5O0l4nIZwqtCBtnjk79I0hOo09BhjOCKE7UYM/s320/drag.jpg" /></a><br />
The above picture is of my child who we now call "Matt". This picture was of when he was invited to a sweet 16 party and looking at it today I can see just how awkward he felt having to wear a dress.<br />
<br />
My Matt was born a girl but somehow being a girl never fit. I tried to dress him in frilly, lacey, pink outfits but as soon as he had a say, gone were any feminine outfits in favor of jeans, t-shirts and baseball caps. <br />
<br />
Now many of you are probably thinking that Matt is just a tomboy. I know what tomboys are like and Matt is no tomboy. Matt is a young adult now and from early on it was clear that he was born into the wrong body.<br />
<br />
There are many of my family members who just don't get it. They seem to think that this is just a "phase". Even friends have commented that my M is just "confused". <br />
<br />
I understand those who don't understand what being transgender is. I'm happy that the subject is in the media and is becoming more mainstream. It will only help M's transition. As a mom I just want for my child to be accepted for who he is.<br />
<br />
Matt has started a GoFundMe in order to raise funds to make the transition. As someone who has been struggling financially since a major job loss several years back, I just cannot afford the therapy needed.<br />
<br />
I don't want my child to live miserably like he is now. He needs to be able to move forward with his life and it takes money to do that. I will be writing more about our family's experience with this journey. <br />
<br />
Today I am just asking for help with Matt's transition. We have found a center nearby that specializes in transgender issues. This is the first step. <br />
<br />
http://www.gofundme.com/jswnfc<br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-68419880987649962232015-01-05T17:43:00.000-05:002015-01-05T17:43:14.342-05:00Does Knowing Why Even Matter?Lately I've been seeing a lot of people dealing with "stuff" and questioning why. I am not alone in wondering why at times although I have to admit that wondering why doesn't matter. Would it make "stuff" easier to understand if you knew why it was happening? Would it make it any less painful?<br />
<br />
I think not.<br />
<br />
Is there a good answer that would satisfy why is (fill in the blank) happening to ME? Is there really a better answer than there is a reason for it and maybe knowing the reason why is not part of the equation?<br />
<br />
Doesn't it all come down to your personal beliefs regarding faith, trust in a higher power or whatever it is that gets you through the day?<br />
<br />
When the "stuff" happens sometimes I think it is supposed to be a lesson of sorts; a reminder. Sometimes it feels like your world is turned upside down but maybe the point is to make you stop and reevaluate it all.<br />
<br />
I don't know. It is just a guess; my own personal "theory". <br />
<br />
What do you think?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-47641880463305939942014-12-31T08:07:00.001-05:002014-12-31T08:07:49.932-05:00The Truth About Being TransgenderWhen I got pregnant with my 5th child it shook up my family a bit. My youngest (my only son) was 7 years old and it felt like forever since there was a baby in the house. <br />
<br />
M was different from day one. As soon as he could speak it was evident how unique he was. He refused to dress in anything that said "girlie girl" and instead was fixated on baseball caps and jeans. Getting him in a dress was a fight.<br />
<br />
During the early years of school he had very few female friends and instead seemed to pal up with boys. He was strong-willed, obsessive and so much more self-confident than my other children were at a young age. <br />
<br />
Looking back there were signs that something just wasn't right but at the time I knew nothing about being transgender. <br />
<br />
With all the self-confidence and lack of worry about what others' thought about him I felt this child would be set to take on life. Even though he never seemed to be able to "fit" in I felt that it didn't matter. Then around 8 years old everything changed. Suddenly my child had fears that overwhelmed him.<br />
<br />
The years from 8 to 17 were a nightmare of psychiatrists and therapists as we desperately tried to help our child cope with anxiety and depression. There even was a suicide attempt. Then a realization occurred that changed it all. My child born into a female body was really male. <br />
<br />
Some people just don't get it. They seem to think that he is just "confused". I remember talking to my dad about him several years back when we started to realize that maybe he was born into the wrong body. His advice was that sometimes you just need to accept the mistake and live with it. I thought to myself at the time that how could anybody live like that? <br />
<br />
My child needs to be who he is. <br />
<br />
I always encouraged all of my children to be who they were meant to be. I wanted them all to discover their own special gifts and pursue what gives them joy. My three oldest daughters might all be girls but they are all different. They were raised together but they are each unique. <br />
<br />
Some might argue that my youngest is just a tomboy. That is so not true. He might have had no interest in girly stuff but he was no tomboy either. Some might say that this is just a ploy for attention. No one would be so miserable just to get attention. My son tells me how awkward he feels in his body. It is not the kind of awkward many go through during puberty. I know that awkwardness- this is different. <br />
<br />
I want my child to be who he is. I just wish the world would try and understand. Being transgender is not about sex. (a HUGE misconception among a LOT of people) Being transgender is about gender identity. I don't know why it happens but it does. It happened in my family and believe me, I wish it didn't. I fear for my child as he goes about transitioning into who he should be. <br />
<br />
I just wish others would try and understand and give him the support he deserves. People fear what they do not understand. Others are so caught up in what they think their religion says that they won't even try to understand. <br />
<br />
My child knows I stand with him. I dream of him being able to go out into the world and feel accepted but I know that is only a dream. I hope someday it will be possible. <br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-79456427193360956362014-12-30T11:57:00.001-05:002014-12-30T11:57:21.940-05:00I'm Still StandingAnother day with another set of challenges. I think the hugest thing I have observed recently is how much people take for granted. I wish I could enlighten them all by saying "be grateful" but honestly some people just don't get it.<br />
<br />
They bitch about their jobs, their significant other, their kids, whatever and all the time they just don't seem to appreciate the gifts they have.<br />
<br />
I don't take the "little" stuff for granted. Every time I take a shower I remember when I didn't have one. A sink full of dishes to me is a blessing. It means we were able to eat today.<br />
<br />
My job isn't the greatest and yes, some days I don't want to do it but I am thankful for the opportunity to earn SOMETHING. <br />
<br />
My latest challenge involves one of my precious kitties. Sassy has been battling an illness on and off for a few days and now she is spending the night at the vet's. The bill is huge but honestly anything would feel that way right now being that my income is so low.<br />
<br />
I just can't stress over it. It isn't going to help.<br />
<br />
I'm more concerned over what exactly is causing this cat to not be able to eat without vomiting. She is in good hands and I am trusting that whatever ailment it is, they will be able to heal her. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile I am doing what I have been doing- just trying to carry on with the hope that my efforts will improve my situation.<br />
<br />
The only thing that is going to help me right now is another job for me and a job for my husband. Transportation will be an issue until we can get our cars repaired but we will do what we have to as we always have done. <br />
<br />
I am grateful for help from my family but I long for the day when I don't need it. Being on the receiving end for so long doesn't make me feel good. I want to be self-sufficient again. <br />
<br />
My message today is a wake up call to those of you who think you are immune to what I am struggling with. SHIT happens and sometimes it keeps on happening. No one is guaranteed anything in this life and those of you who walk around feeling entitled are living a fool's life. We are all blessed in one way or another- some of us more than others at times - but you need to stop and see just what good you do have and be thankful for it. Stop complaining about what you have because it feels like a slap in the face to someone who is living without it. <br />
<br />
It can be taken at any given moment. <br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-55530945973489444462014-12-27T08:03:00.001-05:002014-12-27T08:03:55.535-05:00Tears Won't Help or Will They?The husband got frustrated to find the wife in tears (again). "Crying isn't going to help right now" he told her. <br />
<br />
Sometimes when the weight of the world is upon your shoulders and it feels like everything is spiraling out of control, even the strongest person comes to a breaking point. Tears are a way of stopping the madness for a moment or two and letting it all out.<br />
<br />
The husband just doesn't get it. That's too bad. I need a good cry every now and again. I feel like it re-charges me and allows me to find my focus when things just get crazy.<br />
<br />
This past year has been a rough one. Job loss, major car issues and all the financial woes that come along with those events have brought me to where crying is almost daily. I am not even going to apologize for what others might see as my "weakness". I am one of the strongest people that I know. I just need a good cry to be able to cope with all of this.<br />
<br />
Christmas came and went (thankfully) but it didn't stop the drama. It was Christmas Eve when a prospective employer who had been stringing me along with the promise of a much-needed full-time job suddenly fessed up and told me that they were going to hold off on hiring until after the new year. After having 24 hours to process that news, my car was put out of commission due to expensive repairs that I haven't been able to afford.<br />
<br />
My husband is out of work and his car is currently in the shop also. Does it ever end???<br />
<br />
I do have hope though. I know we are being tested and although the challenges feel like they keep coming, I still somehow have fight left in me.<br />
<br />
My almost daily crying helps. It cleanses the negative and gives me strength to carry on. <br />
<br />
Maybe this is why I sometimes feel like I am stronger than my husband is. I allow myself these moments of weakness to re-charge my power to fight. Giving up is not an option. Someday (soon I hope) I will look back on these struggles and be proud that we made it through. My tears have made me stronger and maybe some people won't understand that but it is true for me. <br />
<br />
Giving in and crying is what keeps me strong. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-88505054679637079712014-12-24T10:32:00.001-05:002014-12-24T10:32:48.876-05:00Grinch AlertOne cannot help but reflect on the year as it draws to a close. I'm trying so hard to not be negative but I won't be sad to see 2014 go.<br />
<br />
I am aware of all the blessings that I have had this year. Things have been pretty rough to say the least but through it all I still have been able to recognize the good (albeit small amounts of it) that has helped me to hold onto hope. <br />
<br />
The holidays are a hard time for so many and as I struggle through them I am reminded of those I know who are dealing with a heavier burden.<br />
<br />
I know how "lucky" I have been but I also believe that I deserve much better. <br />
<br />
I've been trying so hard to find a decent job and just when I thought that FINALLY the universe was going to reward me for all the suffering and struggles, a prospective employer has been stringing me along, unaware of just how desperate I am for a paycheck. It's just cruel.<br />
<br />
To sum up this past year it has been one filled with many disappointments. I've seen peoples' true colors and they haven't been pretty. I admit that I have not been perfect but I've never intentionally done harm. I've stood up for myself, my beliefs and often stood alone. <br />
<br />
It has been a lonely year. My relationships that I wanted to count on have failed me. It's funny but I have received more words of wisdom and encouragement from complete strangers than I have from those who "know" me. Again I do recognize the good in all the darkness. <br />
<br />
So as many will gather to celebrate whatever it is they are celebrating, I just want to be alone. I can honestly say that aside from a handful of family I would rather be alone than to put on a fake face. <br />
<br />
Just because it's the "holiday" season doesn't mean that I have to play along. <br />
<br />
Yes I am grateful but I am not so filled up with joy that I can overlook all that is wrong with my life right now.<br />
<br />
Call me a scrooge but I'm a realist. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-17739733082880716382014-11-19T13:24:00.002-05:002014-11-19T13:24:45.613-05:00Everyone Is a Liar<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhplotbCgUMoB6ANLj2_8gIAIoBxB2itoa3rNnr7RaaYPtAQjeeGM-P7IumRO2D6eSFtNo3vsVAcK-NCh67t9AEzVgmOHDU-oWu_WiLTtvzizQGv-X1r9MS_o4atkfYLHEqpvM1NnGJfk/s1600/tree2.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhplotbCgUMoB6ANLj2_8gIAIoBxB2itoa3rNnr7RaaYPtAQjeeGM-P7IumRO2D6eSFtNo3vsVAcK-NCh67t9AEzVgmOHDU-oWu_WiLTtvzizQGv-X1r9MS_o4atkfYLHEqpvM1NnGJfk/s320/tree2.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
I love selling on eBay. It is a hobby of mine but some days I seriously wonder why I do it. <br />
<br />
I just got an e-mail that one of my buyers is requesting a return because an item I sold them arrived damaged. It annoys me because the buyer said the item looked like it had been crazy glued together. The item in question was a pretty pair of sterling silver turquoise earrings. <br />
<br />
I swear they were perfect when I put them in a bubble wrap envelope and mailed them away. What happened to them when they left my hands is out of my control.<br />
<br />
So the USPS has done it again. I assume that they were man-handled and somehow on their way from New Jersey to Arizona, they were damaged.<br />
<br />
I asked the buyer for a photo to document the alleged damage. I will refund her after seeing proof. <br />
<br />
My husband believes that just about everyone is always trying to "get over". I honestly disagree with him. I have "met" so many genuine people through my selling and writing online. I do not share his beliefs.<br />
<br />
I hope this buyer proves me right and sends me a photo that shows it was the USPS who caused this and not just someone who wants something for nothing. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5964859227653014377.post-38719599085163042402014-10-03T10:01:00.000-04:002014-10-03T10:09:20.042-04:00Why We Fear What We Don't Understand<a href="http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/10022014-frozen-elsa-halloween-boy-cosutme/?scid=fb_wallPost"></a><br />
<br />
The blog post about a little boy who wanted to dress as "Elsa" from "Frozen" for Halloween caught my eye. Whenever I come across posts like this I rush to get to the comments section to see what the world has to say.<br />
<br />
As the mom of a transgender teen, I expect the haters. We always seem to fear what we don't understand. Fear brings out some ugly reactions.<br />
<br />
I've known my child was "different" since he could speak. As soon as he was able to choose what he wore the lacy pink outfits were put away in favor of more masculine choices. <br />
<br />
I allowed my child freedom to wear what he wanted while he was growing up and even going so far as to allow him to wear various costumes depending upon his mood that day. Sure he got stares sometimes when he was dressed as a Dalmation puppy, but I applauded his strong sense of not caring what others thought.<br />
<br />
Unlike other little "girls" my child had a stuffed vampire toy that he brought for naptime in preschool. Yes, my child was unique.<br />
<br />
The school years were tough with my child battling anxiety and depression that we were powerless to overcome. My child endured years of therapy, rounds of different psychiatric medication and it didn't "solve" a thing. All the time the "professionals" missed what was really the issue. My child was born into the wrong body.<br />
<br />
It wasn't until late in his junior year in high school that the realization happened. <br />
<br />
Although for years we could see something wasn't quite right, we didn't know what we do now. <br />
<br />
The baby girl I named Emily was really struggling all along to "fit" in and there was a very good reason why. Imagine waking up tomorrow as the opposite gender you currently are and trying to fit in when it just doesn't "feel" right.<br />
<br />
This story about the little boy who wants to dress up as a female character brings to light society's need to classify gender. Why can't we just let kids explore without having to label? Allowing a child to dress up for Halloween in a costume that society classifies as gender-specific will not <i>turn<i> him gay or transgender or anything else. <br />
<br />
One can not imagine what it feels like to be the parent of a child who does not fit in to society's idea of "normal" until they are actually living it. <br />
<br />
As my child is trying to find his place in the world, life is so much harder than one can even imagine. Transitioning is not simple. <br />
<br />
I read about young children whose gender identity is recognized and I envy those families. Although we knew something was off, being transgender was something that wasn't being talked about like it is today. The world is changing and that is a good thing. <br />
<br />
</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://d.yimg.com/ds/badge2.js" badgetype="small-votes">ARTICLEURL</script></div>pbenfieldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00449285889347272523noreply@blogger.com0