Caitlyn Jenner Revealed!

Social media is a buzz today with the sneak-peek of the upcoming Vanity Fair cover of Caitlyn Jenner. Formerly known as Olympic hero and Kardashian step-father Bruce Jenner, the world has been waiting to see this reveal as Caitlyn begins her life as her authentic self.

Let me just say she looks good! Yes unlike many of us regular folk, she has the money to fix what is wrong and I think so far she looks pretty good. There is an inner happiness that shows through and that I believe is called living your authentic life!

What will this public sharing of a highly personal issue really do for the trans community? My hopes are that it gives people courage to live their own authentic lives. Will it change the minds or educate those who don't even know what being transgender is? I don't know.

Hate comes from judging what one does not understand. Compassion is needed in this life and sadly, too many people are either fixated on what their "religion" is telling them or what prejudices they have been taught.

The concept of being born into the "wrong" body doesn't make sense to many people. A lot of people just think that it is a mental illness. Can you even imagine what it must be like to be repulsed by your own body? Knowing that you do not feel comfortable in your own skin? It is more than the feeling that some people might experience when going through puberty and the physical, emotional and psychological changes occur.

For many transgenders these feelings happen from the time they are young children. Imagine growing up and knowing that something is wrong but you just don't know what. You hit puberty and all these changes happen but you feel unable to adjust to them. It is not feeling like an "ugly duckling" or anything like that. It is feeling that the sex you are inside is not reflected in the body you are inhabiting.

It can feel like a daily nightmare until you are able to express who you truly are by reflecting that through making changes to your appearance to reflect what is inside. In order for a trans person to live an authentic life they need to feel that people will accept their truth. They need to be respected. They need to be allowed to live just as anyone else.

Caitlyn Jenner is being accused of doing "this" for money. Sure her new reality show will earn her a paycheck but we all need money to survive. Opening up and sharing her journey is a brave thing to do. She is finally going to live a true life. Her story can help change the world.

It is sad that it has taken her such a long time but instead of focusing on that I'd rather focus on her now and her future. I hope it is a long and happy one.

Frustrations

Losing count of how many weeks it is that the husband is out of work. He's losing count of how many jobs he has applied to. It's a tough go lately and although I feel blessed to have a job (albeit one that doesn't pay a living wage) I still strive for better.

I'm trying so hard to focus and visualize our lives getting better but as the weeks go by and no positive changes happen I can't help but get fearful.

I have accepted that so much is out of my control but I still believe I have the power to make change happen. Sometimes I just feel so lost.

The old ways aren't working and as I try to come up with new ideas I begin to doubt myself. Doubt is dangerous because it can bring me to a dark place of hopelessness. The husband is battling depression and he doesn't need to see me feeling down too.

I set my feelings aside and continue to push forward.

Sooner or later good things have to happen, don't they?

Woes of a Writer

Last night I had a writing surge. The words flowed and as I typed them I felt pleased with what was coming out. Then I made a huge error. Somehow, someway I accidentally forgot to click "save" and all my words were gone.

It's not so easy a day later to go back and reach inside and duplicate what flowed so easily the night before. It is also hard to stop beating myself up for making such a dumb error.

I have to let go.

Writing is so healing and maybe the effort wasn't wasted even though I have nothing to show for it. I got out what I needed to and maybe what I wrote today isn't so bad after all.

It is not the same and it cannot possibly be. Writers have moments and the creative process is what it is.

Next time I will be much more conscious in the process.

dailybitch: Earn Extra Money Selling Online

dailybitch: Earn Extra Money Selling Online

Earn Extra Money Selling Online

Who wouldn't be happy to earn some extra money? Maybe you have goals to take a vacation or there is a big-ticket item you'd love to get but don't feel like maxing out your credit card to do it. There is a solution to wanting to earn some extra money. You can sell your unwanted items online.

I've been a seller on eBay for many years and what I have learned about selling online is now in my new book "Turning Trash Into Treasure". In it I go through all the steps of selling online and I simplify the process of getting items ready and going through the steps to earn some cash from getting rid of stuff.

Selling online might seem like too much effort to some. Honestly it can be a chore but the benefits definitely outweigh the efforts. The extra income I earn has helped me through rough times. Another plus is getting rid of stuff that I had no use for.

Order my book today and if you have any questions, feel free to send me an e-mail and I will be happy to respond! benfieldpriscilla@yahoo.com

Aging in America - Don't Do It

I've always had the attitude that age is just a number. Inside I clearly remember exactly what it feels like to be those milestone ages. Eighteen, twenty-one, thirty- they are not-so-distant memories. If only I knew then what my reality is now I would have done things differently or would I?

Living with regrets is no way to fully live and honestly I do not have many regrets. I always thought that if you worked hard you would benefit the rewards of that. Getting older is something that happens to us all and unless you are "there" you just don't get it.

Getting older sucks.

By the time the average person reaches the age of 40 they have acquired a certain amount of knowledge just from surviving that long. They are more secure in who they are and usually they are more grounded and settled. Trying to start over in the work world at age 40 or more is damn near impossible these days. Employers should consider the idea that unlike a more youthful employee, an older employee has more financial responsibilities and work ethics. They are more dependable than a "kid" who still enjoys going out on a Friday night. A woman whose children are near adult is not likely to have another child therefore no worries about maternity leave or childcare obligations.

There are dozens of reasons to hire an "older" worker but employers these days seem to frown upon it. Do they think they will not age?

Maybe many employers look at the above 40 worker as too experienced and not easily trainable as many could be "set" in their ways. This can be true up to a point but honestly the long-term unemployed over 40 worker is quite honestly desperate to earn a paycheck. They are ready to "suck it up" and put up with what they never would have put up with in their youth. Finding the opportunity to do so is most difficult.

As someone who entered the serious work force at age 40, I can honestly say a decade later that I have absolutely NEVER had a decent job. Part of it is due to the fact that as a single parent my child's needs came first. I am not sorry for that; I had/wanted to be their for my child. Another part of why I struggle in the work world is due to a lack of marketable skills. A high school graduate with a certification in massage therapy, I never had the time/money/direction to further my education.

What I am is someone who is willing, ready and pretty much able to do what it takes to keep a roof over my head. What I cannot seem to do is find an employer willing to give me the opportunity to actually earn an income that would take me out of the poverty I am in.

I literally begged to get the position I have now and my employer knows my desperation. That is something one should never do but I needed a paycheck and I was not getting hired without my pushing for the position. In the 6 months since I have been working I have applied for other positions but to no avail.

Meanwhile my husband is also out of work. This is a man who literally worked circles around guys half his age but now at age 54 he is looked at as old and washed up. He has been signed up with employment agencies and gone on interviews but so far has not received any offers of employment. It is downright depressing.

Many would say that when you are in this situation you should create your own job. How does one start their own business when they are not even supporting themselves? That is a question I wrestle with.

This country has a fear of getting older. We put youth up on a pedestal and worship it. Doesn't anyone realize that youth only lasts a short time? Everyone gets older. It is a fact. You can dress it up and try and disguise it but we all get older. Wisdom comes with age but the youth don't want to hear it. They are too busy enjoying their lives oblivious to the fact that one day it will all be gone. They too will find that they will become disposable no matter what they feel they have to give. No one cares.

Finding a job when you are white, over 40 and speak only English is like hoping to win the lottery. That is the reality of aging in America. My advice is if you are under 40 enjoy it while you can. It won't last.

Not Worrying Doesn't Change Anything

Worrying doesn't change anything but on the flip side, not worrying doesn't change it either. I know first-hand what stress does to a body. As a sufferer of IBS and other stress-related illnesses, sometimes I can manage the daily b.s. stress that comes my way but it is the long-term stress that I have a problem with.

The effects of having a spouse who is unemployed without benefits, a young adult child who is battling mental illness and dealing with the consequences of their "stuff" makes me feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I'm tired to say the least and although it is another day I still feel that I am not getting any closer to seeing positive changes.

As I search the job listings hoping to find something for my husband, I feel his frustration. How can anyone expect someone to survive on the low wages being offered? Another stumbling block is his age. There is no getting around it but honestly, why can't employers see the benefits in hiring someone "older"?

The majority of my co-workers are half my age or more. The majority of them are not as reliable as I am even now when I don't have transportation I am more reliable than they are. I also work harder than they do. I am grateful to have my job and I guess knowing how hard it can be to find work, I just appreciate what I have.

I've got so much going on right now and I'd love to avoid having my daily morning meltdown but I guess it is how I survive it. I am overwhelmed and sometimes can easily lose sight of any hope that it will get better.

I need to fix the one car that I have but I lack the funds. I hope to sell my other car that is too costly to repair but that too is not happening quickly enough.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I want out!

My job is manageable but it keeps me scraping by. I need another job that pays more but without transportation it is unlikely.

Sometimes my thoughts spiral out of control as all that is wrong overwhelms me. I get to the point where I just break down and cry. I feel so helpless.

I'm trying everything in my power to survive and I know I cannot do this alone. What I need is for the universe to cut me a break already. I really need for something to go my way.

It would be nice to not have to worry about it all but if I don't worry about it I feel like I won't do what I need to to make it change.

Causes

The above picture is of my child who we now call "Matt". This picture was of when he was invited to a sweet 16 party and looking at it today I can see just how awkward he felt having to wear a dress.

My Matt was born a girl but somehow being a girl never fit. I tried to dress him in frilly, lacey, pink outfits but as soon as he had a say, gone were any feminine outfits in favor of jeans, t-shirts and baseball caps.

Now many of you are probably thinking that Matt is just a tomboy. I know what tomboys are like and Matt is no tomboy. Matt is a young adult now and from early on it was clear that he was born into the wrong body.

There are many of my family members who just don't get it. They seem to think that this is just a "phase". Even friends have commented that my M is just "confused".

I understand those who don't understand what being transgender is. I'm happy that the subject is in the media and is becoming more mainstream. It will only help M's transition. As a mom I just want for my child to be accepted for who he is.

Matt has started a GoFundMe in order to raise funds to make the transition. As someone who has been struggling financially since a major job loss several years back, I just cannot afford the therapy needed.

I don't want my child to live miserably like he is now. He needs to be able to move forward with his life and it takes money to do that. I will be writing more about our family's experience with this journey.

Today I am just asking for help with Matt's transition. We have found a center nearby that specializes in transgender issues. This is the first step.

http://www.gofundme.com/jswnfc

Does Knowing Why Even Matter?

Lately I've been seeing a lot of people dealing with "stuff" and questioning why. I am not alone in wondering why at times although I have to admit that wondering why doesn't matter. Would it make "stuff" easier to understand if you knew why it was happening? Would it make it any less painful?

I think not.

Is there a good answer that would satisfy why is (fill in the blank) happening to ME? Is there really a better answer than there is a reason for it and maybe knowing the reason why is not part of the equation?

Doesn't it all come down to your personal beliefs regarding faith, trust in a higher power or whatever it is that gets you through the day?

When the "stuff" happens sometimes I think it is supposed to be a lesson of sorts; a reminder. Sometimes it feels like your world is turned upside down but maybe the point is to make you stop and reevaluate it all.

I don't know. It is just a guess; my own personal "theory".

What do you think?

The Truth About Being Transgender

When I got pregnant with my 5th child it shook up my family a bit. My youngest (my only son) was 7 years old and it felt like forever since there was a baby in the house.

M was different from day one. As soon as he could speak it was evident how unique he was. He refused to dress in anything that said "girlie girl" and instead was fixated on baseball caps and jeans. Getting him in a dress was a fight.

During the early years of school he had very few female friends and instead seemed to pal up with boys. He was strong-willed, obsessive and so much more self-confident than my other children were at a young age.

Looking back there were signs that something just wasn't right but at the time I knew nothing about being transgender.

With all the self-confidence and lack of worry about what others' thought about him I felt this child would be set to take on life. Even though he never seemed to be able to "fit" in I felt that it didn't matter. Then around 8 years old everything changed. Suddenly my child had fears that overwhelmed him.

The years from 8 to 17 were a nightmare of psychiatrists and therapists as we desperately tried to help our child cope with anxiety and depression. There even was a suicide attempt. Then a realization occurred that changed it all. My child born into a female body was really male.

Some people just don't get it. They seem to think that he is just "confused". I remember talking to my dad about him several years back when we started to realize that maybe he was born into the wrong body. His advice was that sometimes you just need to accept the mistake and live with it. I thought to myself at the time that how could anybody live like that?

My child needs to be who he is.

I always encouraged all of my children to be who they were meant to be. I wanted them all to discover their own special gifts and pursue what gives them joy. My three oldest daughters might all be girls but they are all different. They were raised together but they are each unique.

Some might argue that my youngest is just a tomboy. That is so not true. He might have had no interest in girly stuff but he was no tomboy either. Some might say that this is just a ploy for attention. No one would be so miserable just to get attention. My son tells me how awkward he feels in his body. It is not the kind of awkward many go through during puberty. I know that awkwardness- this is different.

I want my child to be who he is. I just wish the world would try and understand. Being transgender is not about sex. (a HUGE misconception among a LOT of people) Being transgender is about gender identity. I don't know why it happens but it does. It happened in my family and believe me, I wish it didn't. I fear for my child as he goes about transitioning into who he should be.

I just wish others would try and understand and give him the support he deserves. People fear what they do not understand. Others are so caught up in what they think their religion says that they won't even try to understand.

My child knows I stand with him. I dream of him being able to go out into the world and feel accepted but I know that is only a dream. I hope someday it will be possible.