Toxic Children

Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes- Chinese proverb

Some call them brats. Some recognize them as being immature.

They are those "children" who cannot take responsibility for their own actions but instead place blame upon their parents or parent for the way their life has turned out so far.

They may even go so far as to emotionally "blackmail" the parent by keeping them from their child/grandchild, speak to and about them abusively and otherwise behave in ways that the parent is not deserving of.

Certainly there are parents out there who do not deserve the love and respect of their child because they have either abused or allowed their child to be abused. The majority of parents who fall into the category of having a toxic child are usually not to blame.

For a mom it is very painful to raise a child, sacrificing and always putting the child's needs first only to have them grow into young adulthood blaming her for their own missteps.

The mother rewinds the past in her brain and questions what she did to deserve this treatment. In some cases, the "child" has a diagnosable mental illness and others are just immature. Regardless of the reasons why a child grows into a toxic adult the pain remains.

Any parent who truly cares does their "job" as a parent to the best of their ability. Many admit they are not perfect and readily allow their child to see that. Parenting is not easy and many wise parents know that there will be no applause for their efforts but they take on the challenge anyway.

As a mom all I ever wished for was that my child would grow up healthy, happy and secure in who they are. I encouraged my children to discover their unique gifts and find their place in the world. Personal responsibility is of the upmost importance to me. I believe in owning your mistakes and your successes. Not one of us is perfect after all.

My journey in parenting began at a relatively young age but when I discovered that I would be travelling on that road, nothing else mattered. I was being "gifted" with the most precious thing in life- the opportunity to hold the hand of a child until that child was ready to take on the world herself.

Along the way I was still just a woman. I may have suddenly been pushed onto a pedestal of "MOM"-hood but giving birth did not make me know how to proceed.

I did my best- that is all one can do.

While trying to do my best as a mother I was also struggling to create a "stable" romantic relationship. I failed again and again but despite my failures as a wife, I was always a mother. I cannot control how the men in my life acted. All I could do was try and work things out but with every relationship it takes two.

Ultimately if a relationship was not salvagable it was wiser to me to leave it then expose my child(ren) to a potentially negative situation. Am I to blame for failing to create the ideal, picture-perfect family life?

Stuff happens in life. Divorce is not something any parent WANTS to put their child through but sometimes there are not easy choices.

I was always there for my children. Always. Maybe that is part of the problem.

There comes a time in life when you must grow up. You must forgive your parent(s) for not being who you thought they should be. Guess what? Mom and Dad are NOT perfect. We are human. We make mistakes. We do our best.

Toxic children are ones who distort the truth, refuse to admit to that they too are not perfect and see their parent as the scapegoat in their sad life.

I love my children but I am not going to have a relationship with a child who is abusive towards me. I deserve respect and if it is not going to be given, well, I will just have to allow karma to balance it all out.

Like many wise women (and men) have said before me- Someday they will know what it feels like when they become a parent


  1. I am going through this with my older daughter. If my younger daughter hadn't turned out so well, I'd have serious doubts about my parenting ability. Sometimes, you do the best you can do and things just turn out wrong.

    1. I wish I knew why Mothers especially are put on such a pedestal and expected to be perfect. It just doesn't seem fair. But hey, who says life is fair?

  2. My grandfather had a saying for this situation. "When they are little, they step on your toes. When they are bigger, they step on your heart." I've seen it often enough to realize my grandfather was much wiser than I gave him credit for being.

    1. Your grandfather was a wise man. Too bad too many of us do not realize this kind of wisdom early on.