When you become a parent your life changes forever. Until it happens to you, you cannot imagine what that really means.
A mother feels the need to protect her child as she holds her child's hand, helping him/her find their place in the world.
Every single choice you make is done with the thought of how it will affect this little person. You make mistakes along the way but you figure that if you don't act as if you are perfect your child will grow to understand that you are in fact human.
As many parents know you can do the "right" thing and still raise a child who turns out ungrateful, disrespectful and not worthy of your sacrifices. Even so, the pain of living this situation is devastating.
New moms and young moms hold on so tightly and cannot even imagine (and never do) that one day their sweet little child will grow up to hate them often for no apparent reason except their own failures and their own delusions of reality.
Our society puts moms up on a pedestal. Often we forget that moms are human. Some people expect perfection when perfection just cannot exist. Others expect moms to put up with anything their child throws their way and always be forgiving of their child's bad behavior, disrespect and other non-acceptable behavior.
This mom has had enough. I have been a mom my entire adult life. I stepped up to the challenge of motherhood when the father chose not to. Thirty years later after putting up with much abuse and disrespect I was chewed up and spit out. As if that was not bad enough, many lies were told about me.
Situations were twisted to fit a disturbed person's agenda. Another equally disturbed person who knew the pain I was experiencing, chose to go along with the vendetta. Again, hurt and pain followed and most of all disbelief that this was all happening.
I was the constant in my childrens lives. "Fathers" came and went. I was the one that they ran to. Maybe I should have made myself unavailable to them but I didn't. I listened, encouraged and tried to always be truthful even though neither of them wanted to hear the truth because that meant they would have to admit their part in it.
Ultimately my honesty (that down-deep they KNEW) would help them to push me out of their lives.
The funny part is that they do not even acknowledge that it was THEIR actions that started it all. One adult child lives with lies so telling them is second-nature to her. One day karma will come and it is not going to be pretty but she will get just what is coming to her.
The other adult child is a trainwreck, she has been for years.
I only did my best as a parent and anyone who knows me knows who I am. The saddest part in this ugly family drama is the people who are choosing to NOT take sides. It makes me sad because I have always been the one who was not afraid to stand alone; not afraid to stand up and say "hey that is wrong" no matter what the consequences. Now I hear comments like "I don't judge people" or "I don't want to take sides". It isn't about judging, it is't about taking sides- it is about what is the RIGHT thing to do.
A baby was/is being used as a tool of emotional blackmail. Some people know my most vulnerable issues and to give credit where credit is due, she did well. Unlike other people I know, I refuse to take part in the games.
I have stood by, forgiven (never forgotten) and accepted my adult children over and over again even when they clearly were not worthy of my time. Guess what? Call me the worst mother on Earth (I DON'T CARE) but I am done.
I have a wonderful son and two daughters who respect me, accept me and truly love me. Anyone else is not worthy of my mention, time, thoughts or tears. Someday they may come to their "senses" but I won't be here. Maybe I am breaking the unspoken "code" of motherhood but I love myself more than to open myself up for more of the same.
The hatred that they deny they have in their hearts (but their actions show) will slowly poison their lives. I don't even pity them.