There was a time where writing was my creative outlet. I felt as if the words were spilling out of me and looking back I never appreciated the time that I had to fulfill those needs.
As many readers of my blog know, my self-employment ventures never quite substituted for a paycheck and after (literally) years of searching I finally got back out into the work world.
I shouldn't complain but here I go- I am miserable!
My job is "customer service" but honestly they have recorded messages that do the same thing. For 7 hours a day I precall customers and verify their address and give them a time window for their delivery the following day.
It is mindless, repetitive and majorly boring!
My last hour of the work day is spent putting together the manifests for the next day's trucks. Again, mindless work.
I want to spend my days in an atmosphere that challenges what I have to offer.
My job is something that anyone can do. It takes no particularly fabulous skills to dial a phone and read a script. Stapling together manifests is another task that a monkey could do. (no offense to monkeys but you get what I am saying)
The hours are awful and I have tried to get my supervisor to work with me but with no luck. From what office gossip I have heard, she got her position the old-fashioned way- she slept her way into it. My co-workers are mostly Spanish-speaking and I might as well be invisible to them. This also makes for a very long day.
I did want/need a job so why am I complaining,right?
It's just hard to be under-employed.
I am someone who in the past ran an auto repair shop with no previous car repair experience. I learned medical billing overnight and was responsible for the entire department after a few short months.
I am totally capable but I am also someone whose resume (truth be told) is all over the place. It has taken some creativity to make it look like something an employer wants to see but honestly now I have the whole age thing pulling me down.
I don't look like I am 50 but I don't look like I am 30-something either.
What is with this world that anyone over 40 is not worthy and is disposable?? I don't know many people over 40 who can retire. Many older Americans are working past the typical retirement age because they cannot afford not to.
All I know is that I spent my prime years having/raising kids and now I am paying for that choice. I skipped a college education and never focused on having a career. Being a mom was my priority.
My mom days are not over- I am still raising a teenager but this time around I want her to see that education does matter.
If I had it to do all over again my choices would be very different. Guess I am getting old. I can now see things so much clearer than I did when I wasn't even 30 with 4 kids running around.
I'm not giving up though. I may be older but I am wiser and I won't give up.