Worrying doesn't change anything but on the flip side, not worrying doesn't change it either. I know first-hand what stress does to a body. As a sufferer of IBS and other stress-related illnesses, sometimes I can manage the daily b.s. stress that comes my way but it is the long-term stress that I have a problem with.
The effects of having a spouse who is unemployed without benefits, a young adult child who is battling mental illness and dealing with the consequences of their "stuff" makes me feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I'm tired to say the least and although it is another day I still feel that I am not getting any closer to seeing positive changes.
As I search the job listings hoping to find something for my husband, I feel his frustration. How can anyone expect someone to survive on the low wages being offered? Another stumbling block is his age. There is no getting around it but honestly, why can't employers see the benefits in hiring someone "older"?
The majority of my co-workers are half my age or more. The majority of them are not as reliable as I am even now when I don't have transportation I am more reliable than they are. I also work harder than they do. I am grateful to have my job and I guess knowing how hard it can be to find work, I just appreciate what I have.
I've got so much going on right now and I'd love to avoid having my daily morning meltdown but I guess it is how I survive it. I am overwhelmed and sometimes can easily lose sight of any hope that it will get better.
I need to fix the one car that I have but I lack the funds. I hope to sell my other car that is too costly to repair but that too is not happening quickly enough.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I want out!
My job is manageable but it keeps me scraping by. I need another job that pays more but without transportation it is unlikely.
Sometimes my thoughts spiral out of control as all that is wrong overwhelms me. I get to the point where I just break down and cry. I feel so helpless.
I'm trying everything in my power to survive and I know I cannot do this alone. What I need is for the universe to cut me a break already. I really need for something to go my way.
It would be nice to not have to worry about it all but if I don't worry about it I feel like I won't do what I need to to make it change.