Hope

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

It literally took me several hours a day, for several months to finally land a part time retail job.

Woohoo! (seriously)

When I got the call for an interview I felt like I won the lottery.

I had absolutely no delusions about what I was signing up for. Low pay, unpredicatable hours, putting more stress on my already over-stressed body, but hey- it means a steady paycheck!

Any paycheck is better than no paycheck.

(I keep telling myself this as I await my first paycheck which I am sure the reality of it all will be sad)

I have thrown myself into spending hours a day, seven days a week trying to make money off of residual web content writing. The blogs I do for fun (I need a place to write without rules) and for all my hard work I still am nowhere near replacing the $600 a week paycheck I lost in November of 2008.

I also became an Etsy seller and that is a hit-or-miss effort. Ebay (fees aside) has been a bit better.

In the spirit of living with less, I pretty much am working my way through listing EVERYTHING that I can live without. I am a pretty simple person so it is a lot of work.

I have to keep the hope that between all my efforts I will earn enough money to make my rent/bills and living expenses.

Something HAS to change.

Paycheck to paycheck is not working- what I need is more income but it is not for a lack of trying.

Meanwhile as I await the results of an MRI, I wonder what kind of medical treatment is in my future. I struggle through pain EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE!

Gosh this post sounds whiny and self-absorbed but you something- I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

I am sick to death of the 1% in this country who have made it impossible for people like me to survive. I deserve to do more than just survive.

Hope and a stubborness to make it in spite of all the hardships that come my way is what keeps me going. That and the fact that I am a mother. What would I be teaching my son and daughter if I was to just give up?

I have to believe that something good is right around the corner. I have to believe that one day (soon) the struggles will be over.

In the meantime I am able to laugh, appreciate what blessings I have and continue to push on.

Some day (please) I will look back at this struggle and be proud of myself for making it to the other side.

I just hope that day is coming very soon...