Mother's Day

Mother's Day is right around the corner and I have to admit that it snuck up on me. I've been really busy lately, struggling to survive and Hallmark holidays haven't been a real priority.

I will be working this holiday and that doesn't bother me in the least. I will call my own mother and apologize for not doing anything special for her but knowing my mother, she will understand. She knows the struggles I am living and is proud of my strength.

I am the mother of 5 and sadly this is another Mother's day where my two oldest children are not speaking to me. It isn't going to ruin the day for me as I do not need a special day for my family to tell me what they think about me.

The ones who matter show me quite often what I mean to them and that is all that matters.

You can do "it" all right and raise a child that grows up to be self-absorbed and unable to take responsibility for their actions. It hurts to have been the kind of mother who always sacrificed for your child only to have them grow up and blame you for their short-comings and have them judge you unfairly for your choices in life.

I can remember when they were small and often it felt like it was just me and them against the world. I would have done anything to protect them from the world and I put my own needs aside to try and create the perfect life for them. Yes, I see now what a mistake that was.

Life is not perfect and no one can control what will happen.

I never worried about me every waking thought was about them.

I started having children at a young age; looking back I was hardly ready. I living with demons from my own childhood that I didn't even realize were there. As I got involved with the wrong men still trying to make that "perfect" family for my girls, the demons surfaced. I battled depression not even realizing what it was.

The years went by and my family grew. I found strength that I didn't even know I had. I survived partly because of my children. I had to. I wanted to. I wanted them to be proud of me.

I don't know why my two oldest children despise me so much. I can't say that it doesn't hurt because it does. My life has changed because of their actions but I still don't believe that any of it is justified.

I do believe in karma and I believe that someday they will regret their malicious actions towards me. I might not be here when they do, but it will happen.

In the meantime I have a good relationship with my other children and I don't need a Hallmark holiday for them to show me how they feel about me.

I know I am appreciated for who I am and the mother I have been to them. No mother is perfect and I never said I was. I am loved, faults and all just as I love my children.

This Mother's day if your mom is still here, let her know you are grateful for her efforts. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world and the one with the absolute least amount of recognition (not that any of us expect it).