Grinch Alert

One cannot help but reflect on the year as it draws to a close. I'm trying so hard to not be negative but I won't be sad to see 2014 go.

I am aware of all the blessings that I have had this year. Things have been pretty rough to say the least but through it all I still have been able to recognize the good (albeit small amounts of it) that has helped me to hold onto hope.

The holidays are a hard time for so many and as I struggle through them I am reminded of those I know who are dealing with a heavier burden.

I know how "lucky" I have been but I also believe that I deserve much better.

I've been trying so hard to find a decent job and just when I thought that FINALLY the universe was going to reward me for all the suffering and struggles, a prospective employer has been stringing me along, unaware of just how desperate I am for a paycheck. It's just cruel.

To sum up this past year it has been one filled with many disappointments. I've seen peoples' true colors and they haven't been pretty. I admit that I have not been perfect but I've never intentionally done harm. I've stood up for myself, my beliefs and often stood alone.

It has been a lonely year. My relationships that I wanted to count on have failed me. It's funny but I have received more words of wisdom and encouragement from complete strangers than I have from those who "know" me. Again I do recognize the good in all the darkness.

So as many will gather to celebrate whatever it is they are celebrating, I just want to be alone. I can honestly say that aside from a handful of family I would rather be alone than to put on a fake face.

Just because it's the "holiday" season doesn't mean that I have to play along.

Yes I am grateful but I am not so filled up with joy that I can overlook all that is wrong with my life right now.

Call me a scrooge but I'm a realist.

1 comment:

  1. There are years that a celebration seems so fake and yes you don't have to be merry. Relationships are so complicated and the holidays don't help. Take the time to be alone. Without garbage you can't have flowers. Praying that 2015 is your year.