One cannot help but reflect on the year as it draws to a close. I'm trying so hard to not be negative but I won't be sad to see 2014 go.
I am aware of all the blessings that I have had this year. Things have been pretty rough to say the least but through it all I still have been able to recognize the good (albeit small amounts of it) that has helped me to hold onto hope.
The holidays are a hard time for so many and as I struggle through them I am reminded of those I know who are dealing with a heavier burden.
I know how "lucky" I have been but I also believe that I deserve much better.
I've been trying so hard to find a decent job and just when I thought that FINALLY the universe was going to reward me for all the suffering and struggles, a prospective employer has been stringing me along, unaware of just how desperate I am for a paycheck. It's just cruel.
To sum up this past year it has been one filled with many disappointments. I've seen peoples' true colors and they haven't been pretty. I admit that I have not been perfect but I've never intentionally done harm. I've stood up for myself, my beliefs and often stood alone.
It has been a lonely year. My relationships that I wanted to count on have failed me. It's funny but I have received more words of wisdom and encouragement from complete strangers than I have from those who "know" me. Again I do recognize the good in all the darkness.
So as many will gather to celebrate whatever it is they are celebrating, I just want to be alone. I can honestly say that aside from a handful of family I would rather be alone than to put on a fake face.
Just because it's the "holiday" season doesn't mean that I have to play along.
Yes I am grateful but I am not so filled up with joy that I can overlook all that is wrong with my life right now.
Call me a scrooge but I'm a realist.