Grieving my dad is a process that I am finally making some progress with. I am beginning to see the light through all this darkness.
Life has gone on since my dad passed on to the other side and even though I have forced myself to go back out into the world, my memories of him have not diminished.
The pain is less because instead of focusing on the loss I am able to see the blessings. Focusing on the love helps the healing.
I can't say that I don't cry anymore because I do. I can't say that I still don't have those moments of obsessive regrets because they are still there beneath the surface. I am better able to reason with them now.
The experience of grief is ever-changing and unique to everyone. There is a sadness in my heart but it is slowly being filled with love which is making this process easier.
Sometimes I worry that accepting this loss will diminish it. I know that is silly but a normal feeling.
Death is a part of life and there is no escaping it. You have to face it and cannot push the feelings aside. You have to feel all the feelings as they come. I think the only way to heal is to feel.
November 24th was my dad's birthday. It is going to be a somber day as his family will remember him on what would have been his 86th birthday. Part of me feels like he should still be here but he is not. Instead of wishing him "happy birthday in heaven" (because I don't believe in that) I will celebrate the 85+ years he did have here and be grateful for it.
He lives on through the lives he touched. My dad was a great teacher and he continues that from the other side. There have been many new lessons I have learned from his passing.
The grieving process is so much harder than I ever imagined. It is getting easier to manage and I am so grateful for that. I do need to remind myself that my dad doesn't want us to be so broken that we cannot function. We can't allow ourselves to continue to be lost in our grief.
Life goes on and he would be the first to say that.
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