Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts

Facebook Drama



Some people use Facebook to air their family’s dirty laundry or show the world how wonderful their life is. Many times a status update gives out too much information.

Just as Anthony Weiner underestimated the visibility of Twitter that would come back to bite him in the ass, people don’t realize that their “sharing” of family drama often makes them look bad or shows their true colors.

Even when posted to sound vague, status updates such as “I’m done trying to be someone I’m not to please family members” often get the poster just what they want – pity and enabling of their narcissistic behavior.

Believe me, this person hardly tries to please family members; if anything she has been going out of her way to try and shock the world about her life choices. She will try and please family members if there is something in it for her. 

This girl is headed for some rough times. Anyone who is familiar with the choices she is making pretty much feels the same way. Some young people who were raised in a controlling atmosphere often make poor choices once they are on their own. Not to blame poor parenting choices but it can affect how a young adult may not accept responsibility for their actions and may explain their lack of respect for those who raised them. 

A child is a blessing no matter what but if a parent raises that child to believe that the sun rises and sets just for them they grow up with a false sense of their own importance. They grow into demanding, self-absorbed adults. When it is all about you, compassion for others is non-existent. When you are used to being the center of attention you often create drama to keep yourself in the spotlight. Then when someone dares to criticize your behavior, you cut them out of your life just for their being honest. 

Your upbringing is a small part of who you become. Some people are just born to be self-centered and even when a parent tries to remind them that life is not all about them it does no good. 

The self-absorbed, egotistical person has no room for honest self-reflection. In their world, they are a victim of others; they cannot be held accountable for their actions because they have done nothing wrong.
Blaming others is easier than owning up to making a bad choice. They surround themselves with people who agree with them and shun those who are bold enough to tell them the truth. 

These kinds of people usually have trouble maintaining honest relationships because of their inability to admit to being wrong. Although they cannot see it, the relationships that they do have are phony ones. As long as someone agrees with their behavior; they maintain the relationship. The sad part is that many times the self-absorbed person has no clue that their “friends” may appear to support them but behind their backs they talk about them. 

Personally I think that in many families there are those individuals whose drama is self-inflicted. Walking away from a family member whose drama only causes conflict is necessary for your own self-preservation. When you know being honest with a person is only going to cause more trouble, it is best to just steer clear of the person in question. It hurts, especially when you once had a relationship with the family member. 
It is also hard to sit back and watch the slow self-destruction via Facebook but when you accept that people have to make their own mistakes it makes it easier.




Facebook Depression

The Breakfast Club is one of those timeless movies. A bunch of high school kids who have nothing in common but having to do Saturday morning detention manage to bond, if only for one morning, when they find out that their lives are not as different as they think. Anyone who remembers high school can identify with one of the characters in this movie and maybe that is part of why this movie can touch parents and their teens.

Speaking of teenagers, the big news today is that researchers have discovered a link between teen depression and Facebook. Teens prone to depression who use Facebook can see a worsening in their depression because the social networking site can make a depressed teen feel socially unacceptable.

First of all, maybe some of this has some truth. If you are unhappy with your life and you believe some of the posts that you see on Facebook, you could feel down about yourself. Teens are certainly more vulnerable to wanting to feel like they fit in then most adults are and believing what you read on Facebook can depress someone.

Personally I feel that if you have the time to update your status on a regular basis to share how wonderful your life, boyfriend/girlfriend, job, vacation is, I would bet it probably isn't as great as you are bragging it is.

Just my opinion mind you, but if you are so deliriously enjoying your life, who has time to update their Facebook status?

Maybe to a teen, comparing how many Facebook friends you have compared to someone else does feel like you are not as popular as you would like. C'mon now, how many of us regularly communicate with ALL of our Facebook "friends"?

As a parent, I held firm in not allowing my teen to have a Facebook page for a long time. Actually, when she started bugging me for a social network profile, it was MySpace that she wanted to have. At the time, I said no. I felt there was no need for it. She snuck behind my back and had a friend set up a profile. As soon as I found out, the account was deleted.

We had a long discussion about social networks and when I felt she was mature enough, I said yes to her having an account. The funny part is that she is my Facebook friend.

I am the kind of parent that talks to my kids. We have discussed sexting and how what you say on Facebook can come back to haunt you. My rule with my teenager is that if I cannot get into her computer, she loses the priviledge of having it.

I trust her. I just feel that it is a safety issue. She knows better than to hook up with someone she meets online because we talk about the dangers.

When she makes a comment about someone who routinely posts how wonderful their romance is and shares way too much information, she is bothered by it. Although my daughter does not always behave in ways I am proud of, she knows right from wrong and Internet safety is something we have talked about a lot.

Teens today do have so much more pressure than teens a decade ago did. Bullying behavior is now easier with the misuse of social networking and texting.

The truth is that some teens are just so angry today. They are looking for an outlet for their anger and my theory is that is what is behind the apparent rise in bullying.

All of us grew up knowing a bully, being bullied or witnessing some form of bullying. Today because of Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, the ugliness can spread so much faster and cut deeper into a teen's self-esteem.

Parents need to try and put themselves in their teen's shoes. Imagine what their world is like. A parent who is aware of what it is really like to be a teen in 2011 can help to better understand the dangers that face their teen. Talking openly is the best way to know your teen's risks for being affected by feeling left out of the social circle they may want to be a part of.

Click here for more info on teen depression

Facebook and privacy

Today I am sharing a valuable link for anyone who uses Facebook. Facebook is a great way for people to keep in touch, pass time by playing games or promote your business. Unfortunately, if you do not pay attention to your privacy settings, your posts and personal info can be shared.

I have written in the past about sharing too much information on Facebook. There are stories of employers not hiring people because of their facebook postings and divorce lawyers using posts against people. Think before you share!

Here is the link to a very informative article on how to keep your Facebook page private.

http://mashable.com/2010/05/18/facebook-privacy-tips/