Celebrating a Life

Picture is (from left to right) my Aunt Sue,myself and my Aunt Elsie is 1981 at my 1st wedding.

My Aunt Elsie left us yesterday after several weeks of hospitalization. She was a young 77 years old but her body had many medical issues that she just could not recover from.

I am sad that she is gone but I have to think about celebrating who she was and the impact that she had on so many people.

My aunt never had a "career" yet her impact on the world was great. She was so much more than "just" someone's mother, grandmother, wife, aunt, etc. Not that she didn't fulfill those roles exceptionally because she did.

Many people who were not related to her will remember her as the excellent cook who was always there at her church's center, running the kitchen and cooking for church banquets and events.

As the population of the church has aged, there became fewer and fewer women to do the jobs that needed to be done but Aunt Elsie was always there to run the show in the kitchen.

She also filled in as a church organist.

She was the mother of 6 children and I fondly remember the chaos in her home but throughout it, she stayed calm. She went about the business of taking care of her home and many neighbor kids (who are now grown) fondly remember Mrs. Loki. Everyone was welcome in her home.

As a mom of 5 myself, I wonder how she did it. Although I enjoyed the chaos; I often needed a break. Aunt Elsie seemed to just always roll along with what was happening with a calm, nurturing demeanor.

She was a woman who could be trusted with a secret and it amazed me just how she could have kept some of the secrets that she did.

When I think about her, I have so many memories. I admired how she was so relaxed with a screaming baby in her arms. Again, her calm nature at work.

She was a wonderful cook and the last few years would bake for herself just because she felt like it. She liked to have a piece of cake at night.

Before ABC cancelled the daytime soaps I had been at her apartment watching them with her one day. When I heard they were cancelled I thought that she would be mad like I was but not Aunt Elsie. She took to watching game shows and old movies instead. Although she had been a fan, she easily rolled with change.

There was no doubt in my mind that my aunt loved me. I felt it when she touched my hand. She knows how much I loved her.

She was a delicate woman but also quite stubborn and tough. She truly was a class act who didn't engage in gossip. She was a good friend to many because of what a good listener she was.

My aunt never was wealthy in a financial way but in the ways that counted she was rich. She touched my life and I will carry it with me forever. What she taught me will always remain a part of who I am.

As her family mourns her passing I hope that they can smile through their tears when they remember the joys that she had in her life.

We were blessed to know you Aunt Elsie and to have you touch our lives.

Thank you. Your place in heaven was well earned.

Self-esteem and Women- How to Tell if Yours is Low

Women and self-esteem. Your relationships, your job and everything about you is suffering if your self-esteem is lacking.

Water for Elephants is a new movie starring Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattenson. It is about a woman who is stuck in a role in life that doesn't make her happy. She gets the chance to follow her heart, but does she?

Many women fall into a role in life that doesn't fulfill them. Low self-esteem keeps them stuck. If you are a mom, you are teaching your daughters to follow your path. If you are not a mom, you still deserve to break free from the invisible chains that are holding you back.

Family dysfunction can cause a girl to grow up with low self-esteem. Even though we are not placing blame here, it is important to recognize that the "normal" you grew up with was anything but. It helped to mold you into the person you are today. It is never too late to "fix" the damage that was done.

Not being able to forgive can be holding you back in life. Your self-esteem could be damaged from feeling taken advantage of and you may be reacting to hurt by overcompensating in life. You may feel unworthy and this can keep you from living life to the fullest. Maybe you are even looking for a second chance by living through your child .

Are you constantly failing in relationships? Many single women make the same mistakes repeatedly and often it stems back to their own lack of self-esteem.

Do you settle for less in your relationships with men, with friends or in your career? Why is it that you feel so unworthy?

Being a princess is not allowing someone to control you. Some people seek out those whose self-esteem is low and sense their vulnerabilities. They make demands on you and you find yourself only feeling worthy because of having them in your life.

Depression could be the reason for why you just don't care enough about yourself or feel that you are worthy.

Many women go through their lives, living to please others and looking for acceptance. It isn't easy to admit that you do this but once you do, you can change your way of thinking. Being able to look at yourself honestly can make you grow as a person.

Living your life in denial works for some, but really, how happy are you? Coming out of denial and facing reality takes strength but you have it in you. Once you examine your behavior and strive to change it, you can discover who you were meant to be.

Suffering in Silence

Even though I have a blog that is dedicated to talking about mental illness , today I am going to talk about bipolar.

Catherine Zeta-Jones is on the cover of People Magazine this week and is sharing how she is battling bipolar 2 disorder. Anyone who knows anything about bipolar disorder knows that although there is treatment, bipolar is a horrible disorder to live with.

My article How to stop enabling your adult child was inspired by learning how to cope with my adult daughter's dual diagnosis. Being the parent of a bipolar child, adult or not, sucks. Plain and simple- it is a rollercoaster ride and as a parent, if you allow yourself to get sucked into the emotional ups and downs, you might even think that you yourself may be bipolar.

If you find yourself riding the waves of highs and lows along with your loved one who is bipolar, their dysfunction will become yours. Living with bipolar disorder doesn't mean that your life has to be full of chaos and emotional outbursts.

Education is the key to learning how to cope with bipolar disorder. As a parent of a bipolar child, I sometimes wish she had a different medical condition such as diabetes. To me, it seems simpler to deal with. I am sure that parents of diabetics have their own special and unique challenges. With a mood disorder, there are so many pre-conceived ideas about the hows and whys of it. Unless you live it, you cannot fully understand what it is like.

Drama Queen was also inspired by my dual diagnosis daughter. For me, writing helps to cope with my feelings. I can share what I have learned about mental illnesses and maybe even help another parent or loved one feel that there is hope.

We have ups and downs in our relationship but that is normal. My life is drama and laughter and bipolar only adds to both.

Like Catherine Zeta-Jones, I do not believe that anyone should suffer in silence. Whether you are diagnosed with bipolar or someone you love has bipolar, it is nothing to feel shame about. No one goes through life without some kind of challenge . My "message" today is to get everyone to stop and think before you judge what someone else may be living with. Try to educate yourself instead and feel compassion. We share this world together and understanding can make the ride smoother.

Expiration Date

Death is a part of life. Many of us shy away from even thinking about it and if we are faced with it, we find it a most awkward situation to deal with.

The truth is that it can happen to any one of us at any time; there is no expiration date stamped on the bottom of our foot to make us aware of how much time we have left.

Human nature is to not face what we don't want to deal with until it is smack dab in front of us. There is no looking away then.

When a loved one is facing death, we feel sorrow. Many times our sorrow is out of guilt for not having spent enough time with the person or knowing that we could have done things that we didn't.

Other times the tears are because not only do we feel "cheated" but we feel that the person who is dying had so much more to give.

Truth is, who is anyone to say that? We do not know what our individual mission here is. Sad and tragic as someone's death may be, it was supposed to happen that way.

No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, it is not for us to question what is meant to be. It is what it is.

I believe it is all how you look at it. Death is just the passing from life on earth to a non-Earthly existence.

I think about a very special person who is facing this transition. I wonder if she is scared. I hope she is not. She is a smart, brave, tough, giving soul. She really has touched so many lives and done so in such a humble way.

Her Facebook page and forums where she writes are filling up with tributes, prayers and love for this Southern gem. Her sudden, untreatable illness is stunning to everyone.

Anyone who was close to her knows she was fighting something for the last few months. I, for one, never suspected that it was cancer.

The fact that in this country, a college-educated (or not educated) woman should die of a totally preventable cancer disgusts me. This never should have happened.

Wait a minute. There I go, doing what we humans do; questioning why and what was inevitably meant to be.

My friend and I talked daily; sometimes several times a day. We both had goals we were working towards. I knew that she had the potential to see her goals come full circle. I looked up to her and I strived to work harder because she helped me to believe that I had the potential.

Just a week ago when we spoke on the phone, she already knew what she was facing. At that point, she was full of optimism and of course, humor. She sounded weary but full of fight. There was no fear in her voice.

I didn't say "goodbye" to her...there was no need. No matter what, I know we will "see" each other again. I struggled to stay positive like she wanted me to even though I was terrified at what she was facing. At this time, she thought that treatment was an option. Just a few short days later, she found out it was too late.

In the next few days, her condition rapidly changed. In only a week's time, her family has had to come to grips with the idea that she is dying and dying quickly.

I have spoken to her husband on two occasions since. He is devastated. He (and everyone else) had no idea that she had been walking around with this horrible disease that was eating her alive. He barely has time to overcome the shock of it and now is watching his wife of almost 17 years slip away.

My "message" today is that we all need to remember to not put off anything. Time is short, sometimes shorter than we know.

Don't wait for your loved one to be terminally ill and suffering before you show them the love and support that they secretly have been longing for. If someone means something to you, tell them NOW.

Don't allow fear to run your life. Go out there and experience life. Live every moment to the fullest. Live it like it is your last.

LOST finale

Around watercoolers everywhere, this morning LOSTIES will be discussing last night's finale. As I am unemployed, this is as close to a watercooler that I am going to get. So what was YOUR take on last night's episode??? Personally, I enjoyed all the reunions. If my anti-depressant didn't have me so numbed out, I might even have cried at the touching reunions of couples who had been torn apart only to be reunited. Sawyer and Juliet, Sun and Jin, Sayid and Shannon and even Kate and Jack. The last ten minutes of the finale was when the big "reveal" came- they were all dead. DUH! I should have seen this coming, seems that way back when, it was a thought that this was some in between life and death place. The ending was bittersweet, I could have many questions but somehow, I do feel satisfied. Are we supposed to take from 6 seasons of LOST the idea that we are all connected? Who we touch does mean something after all? Even in death we still love and need connections? I don't know...what do YOU think????