Custody decisions are never easy for a court to make. Divorces can often be ugly with a lot of name-calling and accusations being thrown around. Most people are aware of this.
The divorce case of Alaina Giordano and Kane Synder became one that was tried in the social media and although there was plenty of passion, anger and support for Alaina when her story went viral, many have let go of the cause. I have kept Alaina's cause in my mind but unfortunately, I have not been as active as I was in the beginning. In my defense all I can say is that my life got in the way of my activism.
Last I was in touch with Alaina, she was awaiting the appeal her attorneys had filed in her behalf that would fight the court ruling that awarded Kane the ability to move their two children to Chicago.
Alaina had asked for a stay, meaning that the children could stay at home in North Carolina while she awaited the appeal.
Unfortunately the stay was denied and the children were forced to go to Chicago to prepare to start school.
Just a few days ago the children were put on a plane and were flown to their new home with their father in Chicago. Sofia,the 11 year old, was forced to get on the plane. It must have been a horrendous and heartbreaking sight to see this child be torn from her mother.
I cannot imagine how Alaina is dealing with this.
I do not know how Sofia and Bud are currently coping with their new living situation. I cannot imagine that it is going well.
This is cruelty. Plain and simple.
The court system and Judge Nancy Gordon decided these children's lives without even asking them how they felt. An 11-year old child should be able to speak their mind.
ABC News and others have done recent reports on this story and although some comments accuse the reporters of bias, the truth is not in the court papers but in asking what these children have lived with the past few years.
Kane Synder and Alaina Giordano's relationship got very ugly. The fact is that Alaina was the parent who was there for the children. Kane Synder may have provided financial support but it takes more than money to raise a child. Alaina provided what the children needed and now that has been ripped from these children.
Yes, Alaina has stage4 cancer. No one knows how her health will change and people who just assume that because of her diagnosis she cannot mother her children have made the wrong assumption.
Alaina was able to fight for her cause (retaining custody and keeping her children in North Carolina) in spite of her cancer diagnosis. Does that sound like someone who is a death's door?
Many accuse Alaina of being wrong for taking her fight public. Firstly, it was NOT Alaina who did this, it was a friend.
Secondly, any parent who felt wronged in a court of law and wanted to protect their child should and would do ANYTHING to get help. I know I would scream from the rooftops, begging others to come to my aid should I have ever been in Alaina's position.
My children are my life also.
What many people just don't get is that not helping Alaina's children could have an effect on other cases in the future. Courts and attorneys will refer to this case in the future. A parent with cancer is not as capable a parent as one who does not have cancer.
Yes, there were other factors in this case but when it came down to making a decision, Alaina's cancer swayed the judge and the court to side with moving the children from their home and their security to live with the unknown.
Cruelty against children by the system that is supposed to protect them; have the children's best interests in mind- NO. Not in this case.
The fight is not over. There still is an appeal and I still have hope that someone in North Carolina's judicial system will see the horrible mistake that has been made.
It's my life and it's now or never. I just want to live while I'm alive and while I'm living I'm sharing it here - totally raw and all Jersey!
Showing posts with label child custody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child custody. Show all posts
Alaina's Battle Continues
When a family breaks up, it is the children who are the ultimate victims. (read here )
I have been divorced twice but never went through a custody hearing. Although my first two marriages did not work out, I was able to amicably work out a schedule for my children that was fair to them. I am blessed and I know this. It is not my children's fault that their dad(s) and I failed at marriage and to this day, we work at putting their needs first.
I cannot say that it is always easy.
Yesterday I re-read the court documents from the divorce trial of Alaina Giordano. People do not know the back-story behind this divorce and if you just read the 27 page document you will think that Alaina is a horrible person.
read the order here
Alaina is not perfect. She admitted to me that she had made many mistakes which she regrets but honestly, who can judge how they would react in her situation?
Imagine knowing there is something going on in your body but being misdiagnosed. By the time you get a diagnosis it is for stage 4 cancer.
Meanwhile, you are in a marriage that is quickly disintegrating and you are trying to be a good mom to two children in the midst of this.
You also relocate as a family to a state where you know no one. You develop friendships and support systems, your children are thriving and you finally figure out how to treat your cancer and then you are blindsided by divorce.
A judge heartlessly discriminates against you for having the misfortune of getting breast cancer and says since you do not even have a job and you cannot tell the court how long you have to live, your ex husband can relocate the children to the Chicago area. Alaina is free to start over in the Chicago area but how do you do that when you are battling to win a war against cancer?
Breast Cancer Mom Loses Custody
To support Alaina and help her in this battle, go to the fan page made for her.
Alaina Giordano Should Not Lose Her Children Because She Has Breast Cancer
I have been divorced twice but never went through a custody hearing. Although my first two marriages did not work out, I was able to amicably work out a schedule for my children that was fair to them. I am blessed and I know this. It is not my children's fault that their dad(s) and I failed at marriage and to this day, we work at putting their needs first.
I cannot say that it is always easy.
Yesterday I re-read the court documents from the divorce trial of Alaina Giordano. People do not know the back-story behind this divorce and if you just read the 27 page document you will think that Alaina is a horrible person.
read the order here
Alaina is not perfect. She admitted to me that she had made many mistakes which she regrets but honestly, who can judge how they would react in her situation?
Imagine knowing there is something going on in your body but being misdiagnosed. By the time you get a diagnosis it is for stage 4 cancer.
Meanwhile, you are in a marriage that is quickly disintegrating and you are trying to be a good mom to two children in the midst of this.
You also relocate as a family to a state where you know no one. You develop friendships and support systems, your children are thriving and you finally figure out how to treat your cancer and then you are blindsided by divorce.
A judge heartlessly discriminates against you for having the misfortune of getting breast cancer and says since you do not even have a job and you cannot tell the court how long you have to live, your ex husband can relocate the children to the Chicago area. Alaina is free to start over in the Chicago area but how do you do that when you are battling to win a war against cancer?
Breast Cancer Mom Loses Custody
To support Alaina and help her in this battle, go to the fan page made for her.
Alaina Giordano Should Not Lose Her Children Because She Has Breast Cancer
News on the Alaina Giordano Case
A fund has now been started which I can confirm is legitimate to raise money for Alaina’s legal costs and to help with her medical costs as well. You can donate here . Don’t feel badly if you cannot donate a lot, anything will help Alaina to fight this ruling.
Read more about how you can help Alaina to keep custody of her children here .
What people don't understand about this case is that if we just say "oh how terrible" and move on, we are allowing the justice system to get away with a wrong decision that will help to dictate the future of child custody cases in this country.
Friends of Alaina's have banded together to help her with this battle for her children. The support that she is getting from all over the world (yes world) is amazing but not surprising.
These children need to be with their mom for as long as she is meant to be here. No parent knows what their life expectancy is. Just because Alaina has breast cancer she and her children should not be punished by a vindictive man and a screwed-up judge/justice system. Your voice can help to make this wrong right.
Today Show Interviews Alaina Giordano
Alaina Giordano appeared on the Today Show this morning, and just as I had told her last week, people are outraged over judge Nancy Gordon's decision to give custody of her children to her husband. This outrageous ruling demanded national attention because it is so wrong and can affect the future of child custody cases all across this country. I knew people would be outraged- who wouldn't be? click to see interview
I am so proud of Alaina who really presented herself as the strong woman that I knew she was. We are talking about a woman who has been fighting stage 4 breast cancer and although that is enough for one woman to bear, she also has to fight for her children.
What the average person is NOT thinking about is that if Alaina Giordano does not get this ruling overturned it will affect future child custody cases. You may think that you will never be in Alaina Giordano's shoes but she never saw this in her future either.
Alaina's case will be used against other people who have cancer and are going through a custody dispute. Many more parents could suffer from this judges' ignorant ruling. You may not care about this because you think it will never affect you but no one knows for sure. What if Alaina were your sister, mother, friend or co-worker? When it hits home and affects you personally, then you will want someone to help you.
It isn't too late to help Alaina Giordano get this ruling overturned. Please get involved and sign the petition.
Alaina Giordano should not lose custody of her kids because she has breast cancer
Click on the above link, go to the info page for a link to the petition to the governor of North Carolina. Leave a message of support for Alaina and know that you did something to help Alaina's children. If you can do more, such as offer her legal representation, Alaina can use help! It is not too late!
I am so proud of Alaina who really presented herself as the strong woman that I knew she was. We are talking about a woman who has been fighting stage 4 breast cancer and although that is enough for one woman to bear, she also has to fight for her children.
What the average person is NOT thinking about is that if Alaina Giordano does not get this ruling overturned it will affect future child custody cases. You may think that you will never be in Alaina Giordano's shoes but she never saw this in her future either.
Alaina's case will be used against other people who have cancer and are going through a custody dispute. Many more parents could suffer from this judges' ignorant ruling. You may not care about this because you think it will never affect you but no one knows for sure. What if Alaina were your sister, mother, friend or co-worker? When it hits home and affects you personally, then you will want someone to help you.
It isn't too late to help Alaina Giordano get this ruling overturned. Please get involved and sign the petition.
Alaina Giordano should not lose custody of her kids because she has breast cancer
Click on the above link, go to the info page for a link to the petition to the governor of North Carolina. Leave a message of support for Alaina and know that you did something to help Alaina's children. If you can do more, such as offer her legal representation, Alaina can use help! It is not too late!
Alaina Giordano - Who is Really Going to Suffer?
Well it seems that Alaina Giordano's story is picking up speed. A web news page in the UK has picked up on it and the story click here does not hold back. I have chosen my words carefully when speaking about this case and avoided naming names and certainly would not show pictures. This family (the children especially) is going through enough.
In case you are not familiar with Alaina Giordano's story, after a 4 day divorce trial, a female judge ruled that Alaina's husband should have full custody of their two children, ages 5 and 11. He had left the family in Durham, North Carolina in August of 2010 and moved to Chicago, Illinois where he has been living and working
As this story spreads across the web, many people are mixed about the court's decision. Some assume that Alaina must have done something horrible and cannot believe that a judge based her decision upon Alaina's stage 4 breast cancer. Others see her husband as a cold and uncaring man. The fact is that some divorces get ugly. Parents often use their children as pawns and in this case, there are many factors involved.
People who have lived through cancer say that having their family to support them is what helped to get them through. Others ignore that Alaina's cancer is contained and feel that putting her children through watching her slowly die is too painful and the children should be spared this.
Alaina's husband did not need to take a job out of state. How could you even think about disrupting your wife's cancer treatments and uprooting your children when their mother is fighting for her life?
No one knows what went on in the home of this family but no matter what, it would be in this man's best interests to work out something for the sake of his relationship with his children. Does he really think that down the road they are going to thank him for taking them away from their mother while she was living out the last years of her life?
There is no one who can say how long Alaina will be able to live the way she is now. She is functioning well and is caring for the children on her own. Yes it is totally possible that the cancer (which is in her bones) can make her condition worsen although as of now it is contained.
I remember when it was announced that Elizabeth Edwards cancer had moved to her bones. She continued to live a full and rich life, with her children, and according to media reports, managed to stay well for quite some time. No one can predict what will happen when you have breast cancer. People beat the odds every day and some don't.
Most people would agree that John Edwards treated his wife horribly by cheating on her and fathering a child but he didn't try to take their children away from her just because she had terminal cancer. Alaina Giordano's husband makes John Edwards look like a nice guy.
I don't know Alaina's husband and maybe people would say that I shouldn't be criticizing his choices. I am sorry but these are your children and it is tough enough for them to be going through your divorce. Why not make it easier on them? Find a compromise to this situation.
Children should never be used as pawns in a divorce. These children are also dealing with two battles. They will most likely be losing their mother to breast cancer. This will be devastating enough. Now because of divorce they will lose their mother due to a judge's ruling.
Joint custody is a much healthier option for children of divorce. I hope that a resolution can be found that will make life a little easier on these children. It is sad when divorce gets ugly and breast cancer is a cruel disease that affects too many.
There are many things in this life that we cannot control but we can make choices that make what happens in life less painful. Here's to hoping that someone decides to re-think choices that have been made and do right by these children.
In case you are not familiar with Alaina Giordano's story, after a 4 day divorce trial, a female judge ruled that Alaina's husband should have full custody of their two children, ages 5 and 11. He had left the family in Durham, North Carolina in August of 2010 and moved to Chicago, Illinois where he has been living and working
As this story spreads across the web, many people are mixed about the court's decision. Some assume that Alaina must have done something horrible and cannot believe that a judge based her decision upon Alaina's stage 4 breast cancer. Others see her husband as a cold and uncaring man. The fact is that some divorces get ugly. Parents often use their children as pawns and in this case, there are many factors involved.
People who have lived through cancer say that having their family to support them is what helped to get them through. Others ignore that Alaina's cancer is contained and feel that putting her children through watching her slowly die is too painful and the children should be spared this.
Alaina's husband did not need to take a job out of state. How could you even think about disrupting your wife's cancer treatments and uprooting your children when their mother is fighting for her life?
No one knows what went on in the home of this family but no matter what, it would be in this man's best interests to work out something for the sake of his relationship with his children. Does he really think that down the road they are going to thank him for taking them away from their mother while she was living out the last years of her life?
There is no one who can say how long Alaina will be able to live the way she is now. She is functioning well and is caring for the children on her own. Yes it is totally possible that the cancer (which is in her bones) can make her condition worsen although as of now it is contained.
I remember when it was announced that Elizabeth Edwards cancer had moved to her bones. She continued to live a full and rich life, with her children, and according to media reports, managed to stay well for quite some time. No one can predict what will happen when you have breast cancer. People beat the odds every day and some don't.
Most people would agree that John Edwards treated his wife horribly by cheating on her and fathering a child but he didn't try to take their children away from her just because she had terminal cancer. Alaina Giordano's husband makes John Edwards look like a nice guy.
I don't know Alaina's husband and maybe people would say that I shouldn't be criticizing his choices. I am sorry but these are your children and it is tough enough for them to be going through your divorce. Why not make it easier on them? Find a compromise to this situation.
Children should never be used as pawns in a divorce. These children are also dealing with two battles. They will most likely be losing their mother to breast cancer. This will be devastating enough. Now because of divorce they will lose their mother due to a judge's ruling.
Joint custody is a much healthier option for children of divorce. I hope that a resolution can be found that will make life a little easier on these children. It is sad when divorce gets ugly and breast cancer is a cruel disease that affects too many.
There are many things in this life that we cannot control but we can make choices that make what happens in life less painful. Here's to hoping that someone decides to re-think choices that have been made and do right by these children.
The Other Side
Readers of this blog who do not know me may assume that I am not sympathetic to fathers in a custody dispute. NEVER ASSUME. I don't believe that just because you give birth to a child makes you a mom; it takes so much more. Just as because you can "father" a child doesn't make you a dad. Custody cases often get ugly and it is horrible that parents forget who is really getting hurt- the children involved in the dispute.
I believe in the best interests of the children first and foremost. This should be about what is best for them. I still don't believe that taking the children away from either parent is best. Whenever possible, personal issues should be put aside for the sake of the children. Divorce sucks for kids-plain and simple. But the case I have been blogging about isn't 100% about how a divorce is tearing apart a family. This case is making news and getting attention because of cancer being used against a mother.
If there are other "reasons" why this mother should not have custody, why is her cancer such a factor in the ruling? What kind of judge would make a mother's not knowing how long she has to live a factor in whether or not she should be a part of her childrens lives?
I cannot get past that. Anyone of us could die unexpectedly. Some of us put ourselves at higher risks by our lifestyles. Obesity is responsible for people developing heart disease which can shorten your life. Should fat mothers not have custody? Or fat fathers?
As far as a few comments that I say that I have not gotten the "other" side of the story...well...if the father would like to do an interview with me - let's do it. I would be happy to tell your side of the story. Please explain to me why you see fit to remove your children from their mother. Yes, I am aware that a judge awarded you custody but who initiated it? Why do you not have any sympathy for her cancer diagnosis? She is the mother of your children- certainly you loved her at one time. How can you look into your children's eyes and not see a part of Alaina? How will you explain to your children why you are taking them away from their mother?
I have not seen any public bashing by the mother about the father. I have not publicly bashed the father. I have not even named him. I have not named the children in this blog. Alaina Giordano has a Facebook page and a blog in her defense of the situation. The only reason that I have named her is because her name is already "out there".
Judges are human and make errors. I have personally seen it happen. Sometimes a defendant is "out-lawyered". The system is not always fair. The system is flawed. Children suffer from it. Parents suffer from it.
Why did I jump on this "bandwagon"? Because I felt that this judge needs to be taken to task for an obvious injustice. I cannot believe that because Alaina Giordano does not know when she is going to die she lost custody of her children. Does any parent know?
I welcome comments from readers just please show respect by not name-calling or using the names of anyone in this story. I am now monitoring all comments before they are published because of the sensitive nature of this topic. Thank-you!
I believe in the best interests of the children first and foremost. This should be about what is best for them. I still don't believe that taking the children away from either parent is best. Whenever possible, personal issues should be put aside for the sake of the children. Divorce sucks for kids-plain and simple. But the case I have been blogging about isn't 100% about how a divorce is tearing apart a family. This case is making news and getting attention because of cancer being used against a mother.
If there are other "reasons" why this mother should not have custody, why is her cancer such a factor in the ruling? What kind of judge would make a mother's not knowing how long she has to live a factor in whether or not she should be a part of her childrens lives?
I cannot get past that. Anyone of us could die unexpectedly. Some of us put ourselves at higher risks by our lifestyles. Obesity is responsible for people developing heart disease which can shorten your life. Should fat mothers not have custody? Or fat fathers?
As far as a few comments that I say that I have not gotten the "other" side of the story...well...if the father would like to do an interview with me - let's do it. I would be happy to tell your side of the story. Please explain to me why you see fit to remove your children from their mother. Yes, I am aware that a judge awarded you custody but who initiated it? Why do you not have any sympathy for her cancer diagnosis? She is the mother of your children- certainly you loved her at one time. How can you look into your children's eyes and not see a part of Alaina? How will you explain to your children why you are taking them away from their mother?
I have not seen any public bashing by the mother about the father. I have not publicly bashed the father. I have not even named him. I have not named the children in this blog. Alaina Giordano has a Facebook page and a blog in her defense of the situation. The only reason that I have named her is because her name is already "out there".
Judges are human and make errors. I have personally seen it happen. Sometimes a defendant is "out-lawyered". The system is not always fair. The system is flawed. Children suffer from it. Parents suffer from it.
Why did I jump on this "bandwagon"? Because I felt that this judge needs to be taken to task for an obvious injustice. I cannot believe that because Alaina Giordano does not know when she is going to die she lost custody of her children. Does any parent know?
I welcome comments from readers just please show respect by not name-calling or using the names of anyone in this story. I am now monitoring all comments before they are published because of the sensitive nature of this topic. Thank-you!
Update to Unjust Justice
The other day I was moved to make a post about a woman I had read about on Facebook. Unjust Justice was the title of my post.
As someone who has been a web content/freelance writer for a few years now, I like to use my writing as a tool to inform others of things I think they would find of interest. When I get angered by something I feel is wrong, I share it and I am certainly open to other points of view.
As a mom myself and a sister of someone who survived cancer, I am sensitive Alaina Giordano's plight. I didn't just jump in and believe everything I have read, I actually spoke to Alaina.
I just now read through the comments left on my previous post and yes, there always are two sides to a story. Especially when it comes to divorce and child custody, people take sides.
What is important here are the children. No matter what- children need their mother. Breast cancer or no breast cancer, Alaina is their mother. They need her. To take these children away from their mother is just cruel. A man has to hate a woman (and his children) a lot to do this.
Why does divorce and child custody have to get ugly? These children deserve better than to be pawns. They certainly have been through enough having to deal with their mom's illness. Divorce is hard on children. The prospect of being moved away from what is familiar to them is anxiety-producing. Children can suffer lifelong damage from an insensitive act like being taken away from their home and their mother.
I have spoken to Alaina. I believe that Alaina has the best interests of her children at heart. She does not want to keep her children from their father. There has to be a better solution than taking these children from her.
A local news station wants to hear Alaina's story. I hope it does some good to help this situation get resolved in a way that is best for the children. An injustice has been done. Children need their mother.
As someone who has been a web content/freelance writer for a few years now, I like to use my writing as a tool to inform others of things I think they would find of interest. When I get angered by something I feel is wrong, I share it and I am certainly open to other points of view.
As a mom myself and a sister of someone who survived cancer, I am sensitive Alaina Giordano's plight. I didn't just jump in and believe everything I have read, I actually spoke to Alaina.
I just now read through the comments left on my previous post and yes, there always are two sides to a story. Especially when it comes to divorce and child custody, people take sides.
What is important here are the children. No matter what- children need their mother. Breast cancer or no breast cancer, Alaina is their mother. They need her. To take these children away from their mother is just cruel. A man has to hate a woman (and his children) a lot to do this.
Why does divorce and child custody have to get ugly? These children deserve better than to be pawns. They certainly have been through enough having to deal with their mom's illness. Divorce is hard on children. The prospect of being moved away from what is familiar to them is anxiety-producing. Children can suffer lifelong damage from an insensitive act like being taken away from their home and their mother.
I have spoken to Alaina. I believe that Alaina has the best interests of her children at heart. She does not want to keep her children from their father. There has to be a better solution than taking these children from her.
A local news station wants to hear Alaina's story. I hope it does some good to help this situation get resolved in a way that is best for the children. An injustice has been done. Children need their mother.
Unjust Justice
The plight of Alaina Giordano became known to me thanks to a post on Facebook. Read more here in Alaina's own words.
Basically, the story is that Alaina's ex-husband was somehow able to get permission from the courts to relocate their two children to a new life in a new state due to the fact that Alaina has breast cancer.
Yup, that is right. Alaina has been successfully battling breast cancer and her ex took her to court and got a judge to grant him the right to relocate their children from North Carolina to Illinois all so he can start a new job. (personally, I sense some vindictiveness on the part of the "father")
The judge used Alaina's breast cancer diagnosis as a reason why her ex should get custody. Since the judge is not clear about how long Alaina has to live, she gave custody to the ex. Huh?
This is ridiculous. No one has an expiration date stamped on the bottom of our feet and even with a cancer diagnosis, no one knows how much time we actually have.
These children need to be with their mother where they feel secure. She needs to be with her children, whom I am sure are her reason for fighting the cancer that threatens her life.
Her ex could relocate these children, die suddenly and unexpectedly and then what? The children are living where they have no friends or family. How traumatic would that be?
The point is that no one knows their life expectancy. To use cancer against someone is wrong. Where do we find these family court judges?
I am all too aware from personal experience how fathers are often not treated fairly in the family court system. Yes, it is true that men abuse the system also but isn't that why we should have judges who listen and do what is right by the children?
If this angers you also, please visit the Facebook page set up for supporters of Alaina's fight. I will be writing more about this. I have set up an interview with Alaina to do my part in helping her fight this ridiculous ruling.
Check out the Facebook page here
Basically, the story is that Alaina's ex-husband was somehow able to get permission from the courts to relocate their two children to a new life in a new state due to the fact that Alaina has breast cancer.
Yup, that is right. Alaina has been successfully battling breast cancer and her ex took her to court and got a judge to grant him the right to relocate their children from North Carolina to Illinois all so he can start a new job. (personally, I sense some vindictiveness on the part of the "father")
The judge used Alaina's breast cancer diagnosis as a reason why her ex should get custody. Since the judge is not clear about how long Alaina has to live, she gave custody to the ex. Huh?
This is ridiculous. No one has an expiration date stamped on the bottom of our feet and even with a cancer diagnosis, no one knows how much time we actually have.
These children need to be with their mother where they feel secure. She needs to be with her children, whom I am sure are her reason for fighting the cancer that threatens her life.
Her ex could relocate these children, die suddenly and unexpectedly and then what? The children are living where they have no friends or family. How traumatic would that be?
The point is that no one knows their life expectancy. To use cancer against someone is wrong. Where do we find these family court judges?
I am all too aware from personal experience how fathers are often not treated fairly in the family court system. Yes, it is true that men abuse the system also but isn't that why we should have judges who listen and do what is right by the children?
If this angers you also, please visit the Facebook page set up for supporters of Alaina's fight. I will be writing more about this. I have set up an interview with Alaina to do my part in helping her fight this ridiculous ruling.
Check out the Facebook page here
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